


Decisions Made

by felineranger



Series: Decisions [2]
Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-05-01
Updated: 2005-05-01
Packaged: 2017-10-08 03:03:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 27,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/72022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felineranger/pseuds/felineranger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to Rimmer's Decision. The posse have built a new life in Santa Ria but Lister is finding it hard to adjust. And one person in particular is making it even harder...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 24

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably my least favourite of all my fics because it's unnecessary, long-winded, over drawn-out and in many ways not really a Red Dwarf fic except for the characters. However, I include it here for completeness and who knows - maybe someone out there will enjoy it!

_A/N: This is a sequel to my earlier story ‘Rimmer’s Decision’.  It will help with your understanding of this fic if you’ve read it, but for those of you who haven’t and can’t be bothered to do so now, here is a brief summary which will help._

_            ‘Rimmer’s Decision’ is set sometime after Rimmer has left Starbug to become Ace.  The remaining members of the posse find a small planet and discover a community of human beings there.  Unfortunately, the planet is also inhabited by an unknown species of hostile GELF’s known only as ‘The Furies’ and there is a war brewing.  Luckily for the outnumbered humans, a certain Ace Rimmer has recently arrived..._

_             The time apart has made both Lister and Rimmer re-evaluate their relationship; and the reunion prompts them to finally acknowledge their respect and affection for one another.  Rimmer asks for Lister’s help in leading the people against the Furies and together with Ethan - the man effectively in charge of the community - they begin to formulate a strategy.  _

_            However, when the time for battle finally comes, they both start to realise that there are still some important things left unsaid between them; and one in particular.  But time has run out._

_            The battle is long and bloody but the human army eventually wins the day.  However, the victory is tainted for Rimmer when Lister fails to materialise from the battlefield.  After a brief but desperate search among the fallen, Rimmer finds his companion alive – but seriously wounded and apparently close to death.  Realising this may be their final chance; they finally admit their true feelings to one another._

_            Lister is brought back to the village with the rest of the wounded and, thanks to some painful but effective surgery, is saved.  The story ends with the two of them sitting alone together by the firelight in Rimmer’s hut, with a new understanding of one another...and all the time they need to explore it.... _

_            And now for part two..._

 

 

            Arnold Rimmer settled more comfortably into his bedding and sighed with content.  He couldn’t have pinpointed the exact date – an Earth calendar would be useless anyway in a star system three million odd years away – but he guessed that on the small planet of Santa Ria, that it was the time of year that would be roughly equivalent to October.  The last of the summer heat had ebbed away, the crops had been gathered, and tonight was the first really cold night they’d had in the time Rimmer had been there.  The huge communal fire at the centre of the village had been lit for the first time in months; and a smaller one was crackling away merrily in the hearth of Rimmer’s hut.  Of course, he probably could have avoided the problem of being cold altogether if he’d put some clothes on...

            Snuggled down with him beneath the heavy furs and thick blankets that made up their bed, the warm naked figure of Dave Lister was stretched out, sleeping peacefully beside him.  Rimmer yawned and folded himself against his bare back.  They weren’t often cuddly sleepers, it just wasn’t a guy thing, but tonight he was pleased to have the extra warmth in such a pleasant way.

            He and Lister had been carrying on a tentative relationship for about eight months now.  Tentative because - in all honesty - neither of them were quite sure how to go about things; but also because Lister had spent several months recovering from a nasty battle wound, and hadn’t been capable of much else.  They’d had no choice but to take things slowly.

            In a lot of ways, Rimmer felt that had probably been good for them.  The long nights they’d spent together through that time had deepened their bond and their intimacy far more effectively than an instant plunge into the more sexual side of their feelings might have done.  He thought of all the nights he’d spent sitting up with Lister when his wounds were hurting, just holding him and trying to help him through the pain.  And then, as time had progressed and Lister had begun to regain his strength, the long nights they’d spent lying in each others arms and kissing for hours on end.  Never going further than light gentle caresses, because they both knew that he was still very weak; but their self-enforced discipline had made every soft brush of their fingertips one hundred times more erotic, because it was the only way they had of making love to each other.  Every tiny gesture meant that much more.

            And then, at last, the night had come when the ultimate gesture could be made.  And Rimmer knew he would never, ever, forget it.

 

            He remembered sitting down on the bed, just like every other night, and Lister tugging him down on top of him; drawing him into a long, soft kiss.  When their lips finally parted, Rimmer had seen a look in Lister’s eyes that he’d never seen before.  “What is it?” he’d whispered tenderly.  Lister had hesitated for just a second.  Then he’d kissed him again, more firmly this time, and started to slowly ease off Rimmer’s shirt.  They were forced to separate as he pulled it up over his head and tossed it aside.  Rimmer looked down at him in surprise, “What are you doing?” he asked softly.  Lister looked back at him with open and unashamed longing.  “This is what I want,” he replied simply.  He reached up, timid, nervous, but oh-so curious and ran his hands lightly over Rimmer’s bare chest.  Rimmer let out a soft breath, his nipples stiffening, his cock immediately hard.

            He didn’t bother asking if Lister was sure.  He knew that he wouldn’t have started this unless he was sure.  They melted into a deep passionate kiss and Rimmer began to carefully remove Lister’s shirt.  He ran his eyes over him, eager to see what had been denied for so long.  His gaze hovered over the scars on his side.  Two small, but noticeable, ridges of flesh; one between his ribs, the other lower down on his waist.  The marks left by two crossbow bolts that had almost ended Lister’s life.  He brushed them with his fingertips.  Lister winced and – putting one hand gently beneath Rimmer’s chin – guided his eyes back to his.  Rimmer caught a flash of unease in his expression and it occurred to him for the first time that Lister might actually be self-conscious about the scars.  He said nothing, but bent down to kiss him again; then moved lower to suck firmly on each nipple.  Lister gasped and arched his back, and Rimmer started to relax slightly.  He slid an arm beneath him to hold him closer, using his tongue to toy with the swiftly hardening nubs.  He didn’t really know what he was doing – he had next to no experience in this area – but it seemed as though everything he wanted to do to Lister in his head was working well for both of them in reality.  He was just following his desires and hoping that Lister was enjoying it as much as he was.

            As if reading his mind, and wanting to reassure Rimmer that he _was_ enjoying himself, Lister took his hand and guided it to his crotch.  Rimmer stroked him gently through the cloth of his trousers and felt his cock twitching eagerly at the attention.  Their eyes met and they began to kiss again, and soon Rimmer felt Lister’s hands working on undoing his trousers.  He felt the blissful release of pressure on his erection as he pulled them open, and then Lister’s hands sliding against his bare skin as he pushed the offending article of clothing down over his hips and buttocks to expose the full, throbbing glory of his cock.

            Lister stopped for a moment to gaze at it silently.  Rimmer’s heart was thumping with excitement and arousal; and the anticipation of the long pause, coupled with the dark sweet knowledge that Lister was looking at him this way, was causing it to beat even faster.  He went to kiss him again, but suddenly Lister’s hand was on his chest, moving him gently but firmly back.  Rimmer’s heart sank.  Maybe they’d dived in a little too fast.  Maybe Lister was feeling a bit overwhelmed.

            Then he realised that Lister wasn’t pushing him away.  He was pushing him over onto his back so he could climb on top of him.  He complied happily, matching the pressure of Lister’s mouth against his when their lips finally met again.  They kissed, deep and intense, then Lister started to work his way down his body; dotting kisses along his neck, chest and stomach until he reached his cock.  Poised above him, he looked back up along his body to his eyes and their gaze locked in a last moment of purely emotional love-making before they moved on at last to the physical. 

            It was Lister who looked away first.  His eyes went to the tall, proud penis waiting eagerly before him and he curled his fist around it and stroked it gently upwards.  Rimmer made a small sound in his throat and Lister smiled, gaining confidence from the reaction.  He closed his eyes and began to lap teasingly at the sticky clear sap at its tip, while firmly caressing the base.  Rimmer gave a heartfelt groan and reached down to hold Lister’s head, his entire body tensing up with pleasure.  Lister, seemingly unfazed by his reaction, gently cupped Rimmer’s balls in his other hand and started to massage them, continuing to run his tongue back and forth over the head of his shaft, pausing occasionally to pay particular attention to the tiny hole in the centre.  Finally, deciding Rimmer had been tormented enough, he sucked the whole long length of it into his mouth.

            Rimmer made a sound that was half-sigh, half-moan as he felt Lister’s soft, wet lips moving slowly and steadily, up and down on his penis.  It was as though all time had stopped, that the whole world had ceased to be apart from the two of them in their own tiny, warm little bubble.  He felt muscles low down start to flex eagerly and knew he was going to come soon.  But he didn’t want this to end; not yet.

            With a great effort of will, he moved Lister back and then pulled him up none-too-gently into his arms, rolling over and pinning him beneath him.  “Let’s see what else that little kitten tongue can do, hmm, Listy?”  He kissed him hard, delighted by the feeling of Lister’s cock nudging against his.  He reached down between their bodies and took both of them in his hand, squeezing them together and felt Lister wriggle and press against him in excitement. 

            Rimmer knew what he wanted to do now.  He knew what he needed in order to feel that this was really it; that they were together for good and that Lister was his.  But he wasn’t sure how Lister would react.  The time had come to find out. 

            Very carefully, he started to caress Lister’s backside as they kissed.  Then he let his fingers creep slowly inward and began to gently stroke the tight opening there.  Lister gasped, but he didn’t protest.  In fact, Rimmer thought his cock might have just got even harder.  He kissed his neck gently, “Is that good?”

“Yeah,” Lister whispered back, sounding a little nervous, but also incredibly aroused.

“I don’t want to hurt you.  If you don’t want to...”

“Butter...” Lister managed to get out breathlessly.  Rimmer looked up in surprise,

“What?”

“There’s butter...on the table...”

“So?  What are you....?” Rimmer paused.  “Ohhhhhh...I see.”

            He jumped up to fetch the small earthenware pot and brought it back to the bed.  Setting it aside, he pulled Lister back into his arms and continued to kiss and stroke him for a while.  He wanted to make sure that Lister was as relaxed, and aroused, as possible before going any further.  At last, when he felt the moment was right, he knelt back, scooped a generous amount of the softened butter onto his fingertips and began to massage it thickly over his cock.  Grasping Lister’s hips, he pulled him forward so that his buttocks nestled perfectly into his lap.  Lister crossed his ankles behind Rimmer’s back to keep his balance.  He looked slightly nervous now; but when Rimmer reached down to reassure him, he playfully licked some of the butter from his fingertips and smiled.  He was okay.  “I love you,” Rimmer said; and his eyes said it with him.

“I love you too,” Lister told him.

            Slowly, Rimmer began to rub his cock back and forth along the crease of Lister’s ass, sliding it repeatedly over the sensitive bud within.  He saw Lister swallow hard and close his eyes; murmuring softly with pleasure.  Rimmer took hold of Lister’s cock and started to stroke it in time with his movements and when he could see that he was past the point of no return, that he would come now no matter what Rimmer did, he eased forward and pushed himself up inside him.

            Lister went rigid all over, every muscle tensing.  He whimpered slightly, from a mixture of pain and pleasure; the emotion demanded some form of verbalisation and he couldn’t hold it back.  Rimmer paused, “Do you want me to stop?”

“No,” Lister managed to reply.  He opened his eyes and stared up into Rimmer’s anxious face.  “No.”  He curled his hand around the back of Rimmer’s neck, his fingers stroking him lightly, and the sensation made Rimmer shudder all over.  He began to thrust.  Sheer desire overcame him - overcame them both - and before Rimmer even knew what he was doing, he was fucking Lister hard enough almost for their bed to collapse; and they weren’t even in a proper bed.  He knew he was close, knew he couldn’t hold back much longer and when he heard Lister’s desperate cries and suddenly felt the spurt of his hot come trickling down over his fingers and his stomach, he exploded with a mixture of triumph, pleasure and utter joy.  When he opened his eyes again, Lister was looking up at him with a slightly shell-shocked expression.  “Are you okay?” Rimmer asked breathlessly.

“Okay?” Lister repeated stupidly, “_Okay?_  That was...I’ve never...” He sank back against the bedding, barely able to even get the words out; “It felt like there were stars exploding inside me,” he whispered finally.  They looked at each other and laughed suddenly; their happiness overflowing.  It was either laugh or cry and neither of them wanted to spoil this moment with tears.  Rimmer detangled himself from Lister’s limbs and kissed with drowsy satisfaction every part of him that he could reach.  He gently ran his tongue along Lister’s inner thigh and tasted sweat, come and quite a lot of melted butter.  Lister giggled and tugged at Rimmer’s shoulder, “Cut it out, man, it tickles.  Get your damn head out from between my legs and come give me a hug!”   

            They lay quietly in each others arms for a little while, trying to regain their breath.  “What was it really like?” Rimmer whispered when he could speak again.

“It was...It was like nothing else I’ve ever felt before,” Lister replied honestly, “But in a really wonderful way.”  He rolled over to look Rimmer in the eyes, smiling faintly; “I think the only way I could let you know would be to do the same for you.”

“Tomorrow,” Rimmer said, kissing him; “There’s always tomorrow...”

           

            And now - many tomorrows later - here they were; in the same bed and still in each others arms.  And still crazy mad in love.  As Rimmer closed his eyes to the world around him, and to the memories within, he found himself thinking how lucky they had been.  Lucky to have found each other again after he had left to become Ace; to have been given that second chance when it could have been lost forever.  He thought how lucky it was that Lister was still here, alive and breathing next to him; and not buried out on the plains with the other soldiers who hadn’t been as lucky on that fateful day.  And most of all, he thought how lucky they’d been to find a place at last that they could call home; where they could live out their life together in peace, without shame or judgement.


	2. Chapter 2

            Conveniently, they had found that in the end there was no need for any big announcement or even really for them to publicly ‘come out’; except to the rest of the posse. Lister and Rimmer had discussed it, and decided that even if they kept it back from the rest of the village for the time being, they were going to have to tell the others what was happening between them.  They’d arranged for everyone to come over one night, and had eventually invited Ethan as well; he’d rapidly become a close friend to the pair and they thought he deserved to know too. 

            The Cat had found it hard enough coming to terms with the fact that Rimmer was effectively still alive and had been living as Ace for eighteen months; and he’d barely recovered from the shock of that revelation when Lister and Rimmer had dropped their bombshell.  While they waited for him to regain consciousness, they’d talked things over with the others.  Kryten was shocked, perhaps mildly disapproving, but he could see that they were happy and - at the end of the day – that was enough for him.  He would just need time to get used to it.  Kriss had also been shocked, almost angrily so; although she admitted to Lister some time later that, deep down, she had suspected something, she just hadn’t wanted to admit it.  But a lot of her reaction had just been plain hurt; that they’d not told her right away what was going on but also – as Rimmer had guessed – because she was still in love with Lister. 

            She hadn’t fully realised it herself until they’d arrived on Santa Ria; but when it had become clear that this war was going ahead, and she’d suddenly been faced with the fact that he might die, she’d found that she didn’t want to lose him.  She hadn’t said anything because she’d known that he was preoccupied with the approaching battle, but she’d hoped that if things went well – and of course if he survived - that once the war was over that they could make a fresh start and settle down.  Although she was angry at them, part of her was angry with herself too.  Because she knew she should have spoken sooner.  However, she had (slowly) come to terms with it and had eventually started to date other guys in the village.

            Ethan had simply raised an eyebrow and looked at them with amused exasperation, “Guys,” he said patronisingly, “Did you _really_ think I didn’t know?”

 

            They’d asked them all to keep it a secret for just a little while longer, until they were ready to make it public knowledge, but it turned out that they needn’t have bothered.  While recovering from his injury, Lister had stayed with Rimmer, which nobody had questioned; but people hadn’t failed to notice that even once he started getting better, he hadn’t shown any sign of moving back to his own hut.  One night while Lister was having a drink at Ethan’s place, waiting for Rimmer’s hunting party to return, Ethan had confronted him over why they didn’t want to tell anyone yet.

             “The thing is,” Lister said awkwardly, “We haven’t been here that long, you see, and well...we’re not quite sure how the rest of the village would react to...That is...How people here feel about...y’know.”

“You’re asking me if you’re going to get lynched for being together, right?” Ethan grinned.  Lister smiled back, tentatively. 

“I wouldn’t go that far.  But, yeah, I think we’d like to know how people will take it before we make things too public.  If we’re going to be shunned I would rather know beforehand.”

“Well, you can relax, alright?” Ethan told him, obviously amused.  “Believe it or not, Dave, you two are not the only gays in the whole community.  People will be cool.  And if anyone isn’t, well...they’ll be making things harder for themselves than for you. t won’t make them popular, that’s for certain.”  He gave Lister an almost sly look, “To be honest, I think you’ll find that if anyone had a problem, you’d know about it by now.”   

            Lister looked back at him in surprise.  “Don’t take this the wrong way,” Ethan said affectionately, “But it wouldn’t take a genius level IQ to work out what’s going on between you two.  You’ve been pretty much living together for...how long?  Six months?  Most people will have put two and two together by now.”

“I suppose so,” Lister was a little bit dumbstruck, “It’s just...what with all that time on the ship...we were so used to sharing.  It never occurred to me that here it would seem odd to people.”

“Not odd,” Ethan smiled, “Just gay.”  Lister laughed and shook his head,

“Gay...I still can’t believe it.  Me.  Gay.  I wish someone had told me sooner.  Maybe I’m bi.”

“Labels are for possessions, Dave.  Not people.  You’re you.  End of story.”

“I know, I know.”

“Good.  Now get out of here, Nancy-boy.  Your boyfriend’s probably home wanting his dinner.” 

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

            Rimmer had been thrilled when he’d been assigned his own hunting party.  To the amusement (and frequently _be_musement) of everyone involved, he treated the expeditions like miniature military campaigns; with the unsuspecting wildlife of Santa Ria as the enemy.  Although there were farms in the community that bred various animals for food, certain wild species - such as rabbits, deer and wild boar – were often destructive to crops; so it paid to keep the numbers down.  It was seen as a bonus that they also happened to be quite tasty. 

            Originally, Lister had intended to be a part of Rimmer’s crack squad of killers.  He’d had a testosterone-fired vision of himself being a strong and manly hunter, bringing home food for the rest of the village and looking rugged.  It hadn’t quite worked out that way.

            He’d gone out with them just once and – seeing as it was his first time – Rimmer had taken him off alone for some private tuition.  It had been fun for the first hour or so; stalking through the undergrowth, listening for the rustle in the bushes that indicated your prey was close.  In fact, it had all been fun right up until a plump brown rabbit had lolloped out into the open and Rimmer had hissed, “Get it!”

            He’d raised the bow and arrow, aimed carefully...and then stopped.  “I can’t do it, man,” he whispered desperately.

“Of course you can,” Rimmer whispered back encouragingly, “You’re good at archery.  You’ll get it easily.”

“No, I mean...I know I _can_, I just _can’t_.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I don’t want to kill it!”

“Lister, we’re hunting.  The whole purpose of hunting is that you kill things.”

“Right.  You’re right.  I’m being stupid,” Lister said, giving himself a shake.  He took aim again with a determined expression.

            The rabbit sat back and started washing its ears.  Lister dropped the bow and arrow and threw his hands up, “I can’t!  I can’t do it!  I’m sorry, but I can’t!”

“Lister, it’s just a damn rabbit!”

“It’s a living thing!”

“So were the Furies.  You didn’t mind killing them,” Rimmer pointed out reasonably.

“That was totally different and you know it,” Lister glared at him, “That was self-defence.  And anyway, they were evil.”

“You mean they weren’t cute and fluffy.”

“It’s nothing to do with that!  I’m taking a moral stand!” Lister folded his arms.

“So you’ll be becoming a vegetarian then?” Rimmer said sweetly, “Seeing as you’re _so_ opposed to killing animals.”

“Oh, smeg off!”

             Lister started to stomp away back to the village but Rimmer caught up with him, laughing.  “Okay, okay.  So hunting’s not for you.  Don’t get in a sulk.”

“Everyone’s going to laugh at me,” Lister said glumly.

“Oh, Dave,” Rimmer hugged him, “It’s okay.  Nobody has to know that you couldn’t kill the sweet widdle fwuffy bunny wabbit!”  He started laughing again and Lister punched him in the arm.  “Yeah, well, I don’t know how you manage it either, Mister Faints-At-The-Sight-Of-Blood!”

“I’m fine with blood just so long as it’s not mine,” Rimmer replied, restraining him and giving him a kiss.  Lister gave him a hard look,

“If you tell anyone, I’m going to pee in your coffee for a week, man.  Don’t think I won’t!”

“Duly noted,” Rimmer smiled, “Come on, let’s go home.”  He put his arm around Lister’s waist and they set off down the track.

            “Do you think I’m a wuss?” Lister asked.

“Actually, I was just thinking how lucky it was that the Furies didn’t look like Ewoks,” Rimmer grinned, “You would have been done for.”

“Rimmer!”

“Oh, come on, it doesn’t matter!  You can go and work on the crop farms with the other lads in the village and no-one will think any less of you.”

“Right.”

“Although,” Rimmer added smugly, “You do realise that this now officially makes me the man in our relationship.”

“What?!  Smeg off, Rimmer!  It so does not!”

“Oh yes it does!  Because I’m going to be the one going out and risking life and limb while you hang around the village gossiping!”

“Oh, yeah, that rabbit back there looked really vicious, Rimmer.  I’m sure it would have had your arm off soon as look at you.  Dangerous species there, you’ve gotta watch ‘em.”

“Ah, but it’s the principle of the thing, Listy.  I’m going to be the one bringing home the bacon.  Literally.”

          Issues of manliness aside, Lister had taken up a place on the wheat farm, and he was perfectly happy with that.  It was a fairly laid-back way of life; they sowed seeds, harvested crops, fixed any machinery that needed fixing and chased away any animals they caught thieving in the fields.  And, on good days, they spent a lot of time lying around smoking, chatting and generally catching a few rays.  Most of the men in the village already knew and respected him; he was, after all, one of the generals who had led them against the Furies.  But now he was getting to know people individually, on a more personal basis and he’d made a lot of new friends.  He was content.      

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

            One day, after Lister had been working at the farm for about a month, he found himself working alongside one of the guys he still didn’t know all that well.  Jason was usually about, but he generally worked in the farm proper, whereas Lister spent more of his time out in the fields.  They knew each other well enough to smile and wave but they’d never really talked.  They were taking this opportunity to get to know each other better.

                        Jason smiled at Lister as he handed him the bundle of wheat, “You’re going out with Rimmer, aren’t you?  That guy who used to call himself Ace.”

“Um...Yeah.  Yeah, I am,” Lister smiled back weakly.  It still felt odd to talk about their relationship so openly in this way.  Not just because their relationship had changed so much from what it used to be, but because people were so laid back here about their homosexuality.  Lister was from a time when homophobia had been almost entirely a thing of the past, but it hadn’t been gone completely.  If he and Rimmer had been together back before the accident on Red Dwarf, they wouldn’t have been reviled or ridiculed, at least not to their faces, but it would have raised a few eyebrows.  But here, people just accepted it as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

            “What happened with him?” Jason asked, “One day he was strutting round in shiny gold trousers calling himself Ace, and then next thing we know he’s cut his hair, got a sensible wardrobe and started telling people to just call him Rimmer.  It was bizarre.” 

            Lister snorted a laugh, “You could say that.  It’s a long story.  Let’s just say he realised he could be himself at last.”

“Fair enough,” Jason nodded, “It must have been difficult for you guys at first...Not knowing if you would have to hide your feelings from everyone.  I don’t know how I would have coped with it.  I suppose I’m lucky that I grew up here; I never had to be ashamed of who I was.”

“Oh,” Lister said, blinking as the penny dropped, “You mean you’re...”

“Gay.  Yes,” Jason laughed, “God, you really are still sensitive about it, aren’t you?”

            “I’m sorry,” Lister stammered, “I was just...I don’t know.  Sorry.”  He blushed and tried to continue with binding the wheat, “So, who’s your boyfriend? Do I know him?”

“I’m single at the moment.  Have been for a while.”

“Really?” Lister asked, unable to keep the surprise out of his voice.  Jason looked at him, amused, and he found himself blushing for the second time in as many minutes.  He hadn’t meant it to sound like that, but he had been genuinely surprised.  Jason was very good-looking and it seemed odd that he wouldn’t have found _anyone_ who thought so.  In fact, the more he looked, the more he noticed just how attractive he was.  “I mean...it’s just...You’re in such great shape, I would have thought you’d...” he trailed off embarrassed.  Jason smiled sadly, “I went through a bad break-up a while ago.  It put me off the whole couple thing for a bit.”

“Oh, I see,” Lister said sheepishly, and went back to what he was doing; silently resolving to try and not say anything else stupid for the next five minutes.

            Jason was looking at him oddly.  “Why do you never take your shirt off when we’re working out here?” He asked suddenly, “Everyone else does.  You must be boiling.”  Lister felt his cheeks burn red for a third bloody time and laughed nervously without looking up, “I don’t look quite as good out of my clothes as you guys do.”

“Oh, come on, like that matters.  You’ll tone up quick enough after a few more weeks of this.”

“It’s not just that,” Lister said awkwardly.

“Well, what then?”

“I’ve...got scars,” he finally admitted softly.  He looked up, shyly, “From the battle...”

            Jason’s expression changed from curiosity to a kind of sympathetic realisation, “Oh...I remember!  That’s why you weren’t around for ages.  You were recovering...”

“Yeah.”

“Is it bad?” Jason asked gently.  Lister shrugged uncomfortably,

“Not really, I suppose.  Just ugly.”  Jason looked at him seriously,

“You shouldn’t feel ashamed about it, you know.  I mean, if anything you should be proud of them.”

“That’s what Rimmer tells me,” Lister smiled ruefully, “But being proud of how I got them doesn’t make them look any better.”

“I think scars are sexy,” Jason told him loyally, with a mischievous smile.

“So does Rimmer.  Luckily,” Lister smiled back.

“Well, there you go then.  Come on, strip!” Jason ordered him, tired of the debate.  “There’s no room for vanity out here.  Seriously, you’ll feel better.  It’s too hot for clothes; you’ll make yourself ill.”

“Right.  Instead I’ll just get sunburn.”

“I’ve got lotion,” Jason replied, “No more excuses.  Off, off, off!”  He tugged hard at Lister’s shirt, grinning.

“Okay, alright!” Lister backed away, overwhelmed, “Smegging hell, man!  Anyone ever tell you you’re kind of pushy?”

“All the time.”  He seemed pleased with the fact.

            Lister started to pull his shirt off, but fixed Jason with a look, “No staring, okay?  If you stare I’m putting it right back on!”

“Stop stalling and take the damn thing off, Dave,” he replied stoically, his arms folded.  Squirming with embarrassment, Lister slipped the shirt over his head and dropped it to the ground.  He had to admit, the feel of the cool air on his skin was very refreshing.  He eyed Jason, “You’re looking!”

“I just wanted to see what you were making such a fuss about,” He eyed the two welts on Lister’s side; one up on his ribcage, the other lower down on his waist.

“Crossbow bolts,” Lister explained quietly, shuffling self-consciously.  Jason whistled through his teeth,

“Two?”

“Yeah.”

“Christ, you’re one lucky bugger to survive that; I’ll say that much,” Jason shook his head, “Doesn’t look that bad though,” he added reassuringly, “If you’d caught a slash from a sword or something it would have looked a hell of a lot worse.”  He reached forward to touch lightly, but Lister backed away suddenly,

“I suppose so,” he said quickly, picking up another wheat bundle and carrying on with work.  He was trying to be nonchalant, but Jason had picked up on his reaction; although he chose not to say anything.  “You’d better get some lotion on before you burn,” he said pointedly, “Want me to do your shoulders for you?”

Lister seemed to relax slightly, “Yeah, okay then.”

            He stood still while Jason briskly rubbed the cream into his back and shoulders, then took the bottle himself to do the rest of the bits that needed it.  As Jason tossed the bottle to him, he caught his eye and grinned, “Scars really are sexy, you know,” he said meaningfully.  Lister, despite himself, felt a blush spreading over his cheeks.  And a smile.

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

            And so they had taken their place in the community.  Kryten spent most of his days in the village laundry, scrubbing this and soaking that, and he was now the greatest expert on stain removal that Santa Ria had ever seen.  Cat, like Rimmer, had joined up with one of the hunting parties and Kriss – to everybody’s surprise – had become a school teacher and seemed blissfully happy among her small charges. 

            As the months trickled by, the years they’d spent on Red Dwarf and Starbug felt more and more like a dream.  When the five of them met up for drinks in the evenings, Lister would look around them and try to remember how things had been then.  He found it harder every time he tried.  They’d all changed so much, in so many ways. 

            Now and then, he found himself going back to Starbug.  It was taken care of and kept in good repair; just in case the day would come again when it would be needed; but for the most part it was just kept covered over in the shelter of some rocks outside the village.  For some reason it made Lister sad. 

            He would walk around the corridors of the empty ship, his footsteps echoing loudly on the metal gantries, the sound of the engines conspicuous in their absence.  Sometimes he would go and sit in his old chair in the cockpit, staring at the blank screens and unlit controls.  The chair still moulded itself to his shape, like an old rejected friend trying to tell him it still loved him.

            Even their old sleeping quarters felt cold and abandoned.  They’d moved all of their things into their new homes in the village and all that was left here were bare mattresses.  One night he’d curled up on his old bed, just to sit and think for a while, and had inevitably fallen asleep.  He’d been woken several hours later by an anxious Rimmer, who’d come looking for him.

            “I thought I might find you here,” he said gently.  Lister rubbed his eyes and sat up, “What time is it?”

“Past midnight.  I was worried,” Rimmer told him with a hint of reproach.

“Sorry.”

“Why do you keep coming back here?” Rimmer asked, taking his hand; “Do you really miss it that much?  I thought Santa Ria...our life here...was everything you ever wanted.”

“It is,” Lister replied, “But we went through so much here, man.  This place was our home for so long...And now it’s just empty and forgotten.  And so is Red Dwarf, wherever it is.  We’re never going to find it now.  I keep thinking about poor Holly; just floating through space on her own forever.”  

            “Lister...” Rimmer pulled him close and held him, “Holly managed alone for three million years while you were in stasis.  If she could cope with that, I’m sure she could cope with anything.  It makes me feel sad too, but the truth is that _we_ needed Holly.  Holly never needed us.” 

            Lister started to protest but Rimmer shushed him firmly.  “Lister, you’ve always clung onto the past.  Whether it was getting back to Earth, or getting back with Kristine Kochanski, you’ve never been able to let go.  Yes, this was our home for a long time, and nothing will ever change that.  But Santa Ria is home now.  Santa Ria and the village and our little house.  That’s home.  It’s time for you to move on and accept that.”

“When you stop holding onto things, that’s when you fall,” Lister replied, startling himself even as he realised how much fear and anxiety he’d just revealed in himself with this simple philosophy.  Rimmer kissed the top of his head gently.  “Then hold on to me,” he said, “And I’ll always be there to catch you.”

            They walked hand-in-hand back to the village, and when they came to the clustered circle of huts and the crackling fire in the centre, they stopped for a moment to take it all in.  Everything was quiet now; the people in bed, the animals in their barns.  Across the way was a small hut with a loaf of bread on the table, and a warm bed waiting for them.  They both sighed gently.  Rimmer squeezed Lister’s hand.  “No more looking back,” he said firmly.

“Right,” Lister squeezed his hand in return and they went home.


	6. Chapter 6

            Lister took Rimmer’s words to heart and threw himself into village life with a new sense of purpose.  This community had been here for four thousand years and if they were going to be a part of it, Lister decided, they ought to find out a little more about it.  He quizzed Ethan and found out that there was a wealth of written records going right back to the founding of the village kept in one of the huts that nobody used.  Ethan had been meaning to sort through them and write down a comprehensive history of Santa Ria for...oh...the last twenty years or so; but he’d never gotten around to it.  If Lister wanted to do it then he was most welcome to give it a try and Ethan would help as much as he could.

            Rimmer, understandably, had his doubts that Lister would stick it out.  In fact, he suspected that as soon as it became apparent just how much reading he would actually have to do, that Lister would back off fairly swiftly and do his usual trick of waiting for the film to come out.  He was consequently fairly shocked when Lister had come home one night with a stack of crumpled yellow papers and had started making notes.

            He had also started to spend more time with his mates from the farm outside of work.  The two of them had talked about this, and had agreed that it was healthy for them to have their own friends so that they didn’t quite invade every part of each others lives.  Rimmer had his hunting pals and Lister had his farm buddies; and although everyone in Santa Ria effectively knew everyone else, and any large gathering was likely to include just about everyone, the slight separation of their social spheres gave them the little bit of space that every relationship needs so that the couple involved don’t get sick to death of each other.  Although it has to be said that, as with all relationships, there was some sniffiness on both sides about some of the company each other were keeping.

            Lister felt that a few of Rimmer’s friends enjoyed their work a little too much; and were rather more keen than was appropriate to shoot, spear and generally slaughter anything that moved.  Especially the ones who had mounted deer heads and the like in their homes, which always made Lister feel uncomfortable.  It didn’t seem to bother Rimmer, who looked upon the habit as being something like the spoils of war, although he stopped short of bringing any of his kills home with him to put above the bed.  But then, he felt that some of Lister’s friends were sometimes a bit too eager to get rat-arsed pissed and destroy large amounts of their brain cells.  They bickered about it in an easy-going fashion, and managed to forget their differences easily enough whenever there was a party.

            It was true though, that Lister’s friends did like a drink.  It seemed to be a natural talent he had for gravitating towards people who could down a pint in 0.23 of a second; like Peterson, Selby and Chen.  Although to be fair, none of his friends here were drunk with quite as much _regularity_ as his old buddies had been.  The men here seemed to have a much greater resistance to alcohol, often swigging down a pint of cider at lunchtime with seemingly no effect whatsoever.  But when they decided to get drunk...then boy-oh-boy did they do it properly.

            On this occasion, a group of them had retired to Jason’s place after work.  They sat together around the unlit fire place, chatting and laughing.  There was still some light in the sky, but they would need to get the fire going soon.  It was something that Lister was still not entirely used to.  Growing up on Earth, when it started to get dark, you just turned a couple of lights on; and in space, where there was no real night or day, you just turned lights on and off according to whether or not you were sleepy.  There were no electric lights in Santa Ria.  There was just sunlight or firelight; and when you were used to living your life via lightbulbs, you forgot how dark the night was.  Once the sun started to set, you needed to get the fire going. 

            Jason poured out a generous helping of coconut rum into each of the earthenware mugs being held up and then took his place in the circle next to Lister.  Although they’d known each other well for a few months now, Lister still felt a little shy around Jason and he wasn’t sure why.  He was nice enough, always friendly, but something about him always made Lister feel slightly awkward.  He found he could never meet his eyes for a very long time, although he had no trouble looking at him when his gaze was directed elsewhere.  Maybe it was because Jason was so handsome.  Very good-looking people often have a way – quite unintentionally - of making the others around them feel self-conscious, simply because it makes them more aware of their own physical flaws.  And when you were sat next to someone with a face and body like Jason’s, it was enough to make you want to run home and put a paper bag over your head.

            The other guys teased him constantly, of course, about being a vain pretty boy; but he took it all with a smile and a rather accurate summation of ‘You’re all just jealous’, and went and did some more press-ups.  They teased him – and Lister as well – about being gay too, but never in a malicious way.  It was almost like being the one in a group who collects stamps, or likes to eat sausage and marmalade sandwiches; it was simply a little foible to be poked at good-naturedly.

            When Jason squeezed in beside Lister, Richard looked at the two of them and grinned.  “Everyone move up for the queers,” he announced, grinning.  Jason elbowed him, “You shouldn’t pick on Dave.  He comes from a time less enlightened than ours; he still gets embarrassed by these things.”

“Anyway, I’m not queer,” Lister replied, putting his nose in the air, “I’m bisexual.  I just happen, at this point, to be in a relationship with another man.  _Jason_ is queer.” 

“Well, so long as you’re screwing Rimmer you’re an honorary queer,” Jason retaliated, “Because I refuse to sit around here being queer on my own.”

“Christ, I’m sorry I spoke,” Richard shook his head, “Just have a drink and lighten up, will you, guys?”

            Lister sipped at his rum.  It made his eyes water.  It was like drinking Bounty-flavoured paint-stripper.  “Anyway, I thought you were only bisexual if you were having a relationship with a man and woman at the same time,” Adam ventured.

“What?  Don’t be stupid!” Jason scoffed.

“Well, it makes sense to me,” Adam said, “When you’re dating a guy, you’re being gay; when you’re dating a woman, you’re being straight; and if you’re doing both at the same time then...”

“Yes, yes, I see where you’re going with this theory, Adam, and it’s wrong.”

“Why?”

“Because you can be dating a man and still be having sexual thoughts about a woman!  At least,” Jason corrected himself, “Dave can.  I can’t.”

“What with you being pure queer and everything.”

“Right.”

            Lister suddenly realised they were all looking at him.  “What?” he said, looking back. 

“Is that right?” Adam asked.

“Well...I suppose so.  Broadly speaking.”

“Isn’t that confusing?”

“Yes,” Lister replied bluntly, “But I seem to muddle along.”

“So, do you go for the same characteristics in both men and women, or do you have different criteria for each?” Adam asked.

“Smeg, I don’t know!” Lister said, wriggling uncomfortably, “I’ve never sat down and thought about it.  Anyway...before Rimmer, there weren’t any other men.”

“Ohhh...So you’re new to the fold, eh?  What made you break a habit of a lifetime and start a relationship with another man?” Jason asked him.

            Lister had asked himself this question a thousand times over the past few months and had only ever been able to come up with one answer.  “Because I loved him,” he shrugged.

“Awwww...” the guys said in unison.  Then...

“Why was it really?” Adam asked.

“Really.  That’s it,” Lister said simply,

“So you didn’t see him naked in the shower and suddenly realise he had a massive dick, then?”

“No,” Lister glared at him, frustrated, “We’d been friends for years and just one day I realised that...my feelings went deeper than that.  And so did his.  The sex stuff just kind of...happened after that.”

“So,” Jason prodded, “Generally you prefer women then?”

            Lister opened his mouth to say yes, but paused.  He wasn’t entirely sure that was true anymore.  One of the culture shocks he’d had to adjust to when they’d arrived in Santa Ria had been the simple experience of being surrounded by people again, after spending years in the company of just a few others.  He hadn’t really been able to help his eyes wandering a bit.  Although now he really thought about it, since he’d realised how he felt about Rimmer, they’d been mainly wandering towards other men.  He still noticed women.  If a short skirt or a revealing top caught his eye he would still look, and enjoy looking.

            But it wasn’t the same dark rush he felt when he saw a pair of jeans pull snugly against another guy’s crotch, or the curve of Rimmer’s ass as he lay naked beside him in bed...or an intriguing glimpse of the rippled muscles on Jason’s perfect stomach.

            Despite his relationship with Rimmer, despite his _feelings_ for Rimmer, he’d never really considered himself to be gay.  Their attraction had been borne out of emotion; as far as Lister was concerned it had never been anything to do with the fact that either –or both of them – were male.  But now that his eyes had been opened to the possibility, he was starting to gain a much greater appreciation of a man’s body and what it could do.  He was starting to look at other men in a different way; and he couldn’t decide whether the thoughts he was having were unfaithful to Rimmer or not.

            He’d never actually considered _doing_ anything with anyone else, male or female, but now the curiosity had been awoken, it was seemingly ever active.  But just thoughts were harmless enough, surely?  And wasn’t it proof of how much he loved Rimmer anyway that he’d turned him off women almost altogether so that he was more interested in men now?

            “Dave?” He looked up.  Jason was still waiting for an answer.

“I think,” he said slowly, “That I prefer people to sexes.  That’s probably the simplest way to look at it.  But I suppose, for obvious reasons really, that right now I find men more...interesting.”  Jason smiled and Lister smiled back.

“Okay,” Richard interrupted firmly, “Enough of humouring the queers and pretending we’re interested in their sad little psyches.  Drink!”


	7. Chapter 7

            Lister’s conversation with the guys had perturbed him more than he liked to admit.  Despite what Ethan had said to him about pigeon-holing himself, he couldn’t help but think it would be nice to know his own mind.  He found himself staring at women in the street trying to work out if he still fancied them or not, and then staring at men to see if he fancied them either.  And then comparing them to see who he fancied more and why.

            He and Rimmer had never really discussed the mechanics of their relationship; and when he thought about it, Lister realised he had no idea how his lover felt now about the fairer sex.  He was fairly sure that, like him, Rimmer had always been attracted to women.  But he wasn’t positive.  Had Rimmer known, even before he’d fallen in love with Lister, that he might have some homosexual feeling?  Had there ever been anyone else?

            Finally, the agonising became too much.  As they lay in bed one night, Lister rolled over and posed the question directly.  “Rimmer, are you gay?”

            Rimmer stared at him for a long moment; “Well,” he said slowly, as if speaking to an idiot, “There is this guy I live with...We have a lot of sex and I love him with all my heart - even though he sometimes asks the world’s stupidest questions.  But other than that...”

“No, I mean...apart from with me,” Lister said frustrated.

“Do you see another guy in this bed?”

“What I’m asking,” Lister said testily, “Is whether you still like women.  I mean, I know you used to...but I don’t know how you feel now.  And I don’t know if you ever...That is....If there was anyone before me who made you feel...You know...”

“Does it really matter?” Rimmer asked.

“No.  I would just like to know what you’re thinking, that’s all.”

“Well...Yes.  I suppose I still like women.”

“But you prefer men?”

“I prefer _you_.  That’s not quite the same thing.”

“So, you’re not into other guys, then.  Just me.”

“Not exactly...Other men are all very well and good – and so are other women.  I just don’t care about any of them right now, because I’ve got you.  Everything else is irrelevant.”

            He gave Lister a long look; “Why so pedantic suddenly?  What’s brought this on?”

“Well...I was talking to the guys and they were asking me all these questions... About you and me and why we got together; why I’d never dated a guy before you and how I could like women and men at the same time...And I didn’t know how to answer half of them.  It just made me feel all confused.  I mean, I’ve always thought that I was basically straight, you know?  That you and me were...well, that we were nothing to do with gay or straight or anything else.  We were just us.  But when I really started to think about it, I suddenly wasn’t so sure anymore.”

“So, basically...After nearly a year of sleeping with another man, it’s suddenly hit you that - shock horror! – you might be gay?” Rimmer voice carried more than a hint of sarcasm.

“I know it sounds stupid,” Lister mumbled feebly, “But I’d always thought that women were my thing.  And since I’ve been with you, they just don’t seem to interest me so much anymore.  It’s like my whole mental landscape has started changing, man, and it’s...well, it’s a bit scary.  I mean, doesn’t it ever bother you at all?”

            Rimmer sighed and pulled him closer, “I was right, you know.  You really do have trouble letting things go.  Lister, when I realised I was in love with you, I was terrified.  I didn’t know what to do, what to think; anything.  All my feelings were so new and scary.  But I faced it, and I dealt with it; and once I realised just how good it could be between us, I wasn’t afraid anymore.  I knew this was right and all the other baggage could go hang.  So, no, it doesn’t bother me.  I’m not saying it never did, but it doesn’t now.  I don’t let it.  Neither should you.  Don’t worry about what you felt then, or how you think you ought to feel now.  Just accept what you _are_ feeling and let it be.”

“Like the song?” Lister smiled.

“Just like the song,” Rimmer agreed, “Let it be.  Stop analyzing everything, for smeg’s sake.  You know what the old definition of the word ‘gay’ was?”

“No.”

“It meant being happy, joyful and carefree.  Be gay, Listy.  Forget the hang-ups and just be gay.”

“Good advice.”

“I know.  Now let’s go to sleep, hmmm?”


	8. Chapter 8

            The months passed.  Autumn turned to winter, and the swiftly cooling nights soon spilled over into the days; making them shorter and colder.  With the crops gathered in, the farm workers mostly turned their attention to gathering firewood for the village, going out in groups to collect up fallen branches dislodged by the autumn gales and to cut any dead wood they found.  It was brought back to be stored and dried out in a special shed in the centre of the village, where people could collect it as needed.

            The hunting parties went out less as the long nights drew in.  Instead they took turns to patrol the perimeter of the village once it got dark.  It wasn’t unheard of for wolves to sneak into the village if the winter was particularly hard; not to attack the community but simply to pilfer supplies.  They couldn’t eat them, but the fur pelts came in useful; especially this time of year.

            One morning, Lister awoke to find a severe ground frost had struck in the night.  The earth crunched under his feet like breakfast cereal as he made his way to the farm.  A cobweb hanging above the barn door glittered like diamond.  He found the rest of the guys inside, huddled down amongst the hay and sharing out a pot of hot coffee.  Adam was snoring loudly.

            Jason shifted along to make room for Lister as he came in; “Here.  Have some of this,” he said, passing him some coffee; “You’re shivering.”

“It’s freezing outside,” Lister said, rather unnecessarily.  Richard nodded sagely,

“The snow’ll start next couple of weeks or so.  I’d bet my life.”

“Maybe sooner if today’s anything to go by,” Jason added.

            Lister sat up, brushed some hay off his shirt and toyed with it absently.  “Do you guys celebrate Christmas here?”

“In a way,” Richard allowed, “Although nobody’s strictly sure if it’s the right date anymore.  We go by the seasons here rather than the calendar, as you know.  Ethan will probably call a meeting soon to decide when we’ll hold the celebrations this year.”

            “What kind of thing do you do to celebrate?  I mean, seeing as there’s no t.v....”

“Oh, the usual,” Jason shrugged, reaching over and picking some more hay out of Lister’s hair; “Presents in the morning, a feast in the afternoon.  And if it’s not raining then everyone will gather around the communal fire to sing songs in the evening.”

“Sounds nice,” Lister remarked, wondering why he suddenly wanted to blush.

“It is,” Richard agreed, “Right up until the arguments break out over who got what for who, and whether Uncle Joe or Granddad should get the last roast potato.”

“Ah, family,” Jason said wistfully.

            “Maybe us guys should do Secret Santa this year?” Lister suggested.  They looked at him blankly. 

“What does that mean?” Jason asked.

“You don’t know about that?”  They shook their heads.

“Oh.  Well, in my time we had this tradition that Christmas presents were brought in the night by this fat bloke called Santa Claus, or Father Christmas, or Saint Nicholas... He had lots of names.  Anyway, it was this idea that if you had to buy gifts for a group of people then, instead of everyone buying something for everyone else, everyone would reach into a hat and pull out the name of just one person they had to get a present for.”

“Oh, I think I get it,” Jason said, “So then you would act as Santa for that person.”

“Right!”

            Richard shrugged, “Hey, if it means less Christmas shopping to do then I’m all for it.  Adam!  Adam, wake up, you lazy sod!” He poked their sleeping companion sharply a few times until he snorted himself awake.  “Waz goin ‘n?” he asked blearily.  Richard reached over and plucked the woolly hat off his head, “We’ll fill you in later.”  Jason tore a strip of paper off the bottom of the day’s rota and ripped it into four smaller pieces.  He carefully initialled each one, then folded them in half and dropped them into the hat.

            “Remember, guys,” Lister said, “You can’t tell anyone who you picked!  It’s meant to be _Secret_ Santa, ok?”  There was a murmur of agreement; apart from Adam, who just said, “What?”

            One by one they picked a name out of the hat, then smiled secretively at each other as they read the initial inside.  “And now we wait to see what’s under the tree on Christmas morning,” Lister grinned.

“Tree?” Jason asked.  Lister’s face fell,

“You mean you don’t have Christmas trees either?”

“What do they look like?” Richard asked.

“They’re evergreens that you bring inside at Christmas time and decorate.”

“With what?”

“You know...Tinsel.  Baubles.”  They looked at each other for help, then back at him.  “Shiny stuff,” he said, more succinctly.  This wasn’t much help.  The only shiny things in Santa Ria were sharp things, like swords and knives.  “Never mind,” Lister sighed, “We’ll just stick with the Secret Santa for now.”

 


	9. Chapter 9

            One of the problems of Santa Ria - especially at this time of year – was that because everybody knew each other, it meant that effectively the whole village was on your Christmas card list.  The process of deciding who you had to buy proper gifts for and who you could get away with giving just a token, was excruciating.

            Rimmer had taken Lister’s cue and had instigated a Secret Santa system with his close friends; but the dilemma of deciding who they were going to buy presents for as a couple was still a real problem.  Ethan pretty much went without saying, as did the rest of the posse, but if they got something for John who ran the bakery, would they have to get something for Mrs Richmond at the butchers too?

            Kriss was feeling smug because her position as school teacher meant that she was guaranteed of getting a good haul off the pupils without being required to give them anything in return, but for everyone else it wasn’t quite that simple.

            One thing Lister was grateful for was that he’d picked Adam out of the hat when organising the Secret Santa with his mates.  At least that had been an easy present to find.  A bottle of coconut rum would always go down well with Adam.

            The snow finally came a week before the Christmas celebrations; carried on icy winds that roared in across the plains.  The enticing smells of a feast in preparation were starting to waft through the village from hut to hut; promising spicy fruit pies and sweet, sugary cakes.  Despite the lack of gaudy decorations, or the clanging cacophony of seasonal songs that had been Christmas number one thousands of years previously, Lister was starting to feel quite jolly – not least because of the prospect of all that delicious food.

            They’d spent so many years in deep space living off dried that and re-hydrated this and can after can of preserved whatever, that they’d pretty much forgotten what real fresh food tasted like.  It had been a wonderful experience remembering and even now – almost a year later – it was something that none of them took for granted.

            The night before the celebrations, Rimmer came back to their hut after he’d finished patrolling the village; and found Lister balancing on a chair, trying to wedge sprigs of holly around the room.  “What are you doing?” he asked, shaking his head.

“It’s Christmas Eve, man!  I’m decorating!”

“But we don’t _have_ any decorations,” Rimmer pointed out.

“Oh, yes, we do,” Lister argued, brandishing the holly, “We’ve got proper old-fashioned traditional ones like they used back in the olden days.  No plastic, no electric lights – just bringing the outdoors indoors to celebrate the season.  And,” he grinned and hopped down from his chair to saunter over to Rimmer, “I found some of this too.”  He produced a sprig of mistletoe and held it up proudly.

“My, my.  We have gone traditional, haven’t we?”

“Kiss please,” Lister pressed.  Rimmer obliged happily.  “Very nice,” Lister smiled, “Now tell me where you’ve hidden my Christmas present.”

“You’ll get it tomorrow morning and not a minute before,” Rimmer scolded playfully.  “We can give the rest out at the party in the evening.” He gestured to a massive pile of packages nestled in one corner away from the fire.  “How are we going to carry them all?” Lister asked.

“We’ll manage.  Maybe we could take some of the old pillowcases from Starbug along.  Like Santa sacks!”

“That would be cool,” Lister grinned.

            Rimmer yawned, “Let’s have dinner and get into bed, shall we?  Don’t want to be awake when Father Christmas comes, after all.”

“I think we’ve been good this year.  We saved the universe remember?”

“You have a point.  But on the other hand, we’ve done some pretty naughty stuff too,” he slipped an arm around Lister’s waist and raised an eyebrow. 

“Well, the way I see it, saving the universe is such a massive good thing that you’ve got to do _some_ naughty stuff just to balance it out,” Lister philosophised.  “In fact, I don’t know if we’ve been quite bad enough.  Maybe we should see to that before Santa comes...”


	10. Chapter 10

            As promised, Lister got his present the next morning.  Rimmer had locked it away in his trunk, the only place in the hut where Lister couldn’t get at it.  It was a roughly square package, wrapped in linen and tied with string.  When Lister unwrapped it, he looked up at Rimmer; apparently unimpressed.  “A book?” he asked.

“Open it, you gimboid,” Rimmer said, exasperated.  Lister carefully lifted the leather -bound cover and gasped, “Oh my God!”

            It was a photo album.  On the front page were pictures dating back to before the accident and, as he turned the pages, the years went by until the last few pictures showed the two of them sitting outside their hut on a sunny day here in Santa Ria, with big smiles.  Lister was astounded.  “How did you find all these?” he asked, “Some of them are years and years old!  And how did you put all this together without me finding out?”

“Well,” Rimmer smiled patronisingly, “I think you might be surprised at what you found if you ever sorted through all the crap that’s in your trunk.  And I put a few nights aside while you were out getting hammered with your friends.”

            He sat down beside Lister and gently took the book out of his hands, “The best part is,” he said, “That there’s still a ton of empty pages in this thing, so we can keep adding pictures to it for years to come.  It’ll be our special book of Us.”

“This is the most incredible present I’ve ever had,” Lister said softly, squeezing his hand. 

“Good,” Rimmer smiled, “Then all the paper cuts were worth it.”

“Wait here just a second,” Lister stood up, “I’ve got to go and retrieve your present from its hiding place.”

“You didn’t get it last night?”

“I couldn’t hide it in here,” Lister smiled, “It’s too big.”  Rimmer’s face lit up.

            When Lister came back, he shouted to Rimmer through the animal skins that covered the door of their hut, “You have to close your eyes and hold out your hands!”

“Okay!” Rimmer shouted back.

            He heard Lister’s footsteps on the soft earth and then felt the weight of something in his hands.  He opened his eyes; and then opened them wider.  “Lister! This is amazing!”

“I had Ralph make it just for you,” Lister beamed.  It was a long silver spear, slender and sharp.  Rimmer weighed it in his hands.  It would throw like a javelin.  “Look at the top,” Lister urged, grinning.  Rimmer studied it and laughed.  Engraved into the top was an etching of a small bunny rabbit.  “So every time you use it, you’ll think of me,” Lister smiled, “And remember that you’re doing this job because I can’t.”  Rimmer hugged him.

            Kryten made a superb Christmas meal at his place and they all swapped presents over lunch.  Like Kriss, Kryten had received a lot of gifts from the community because of how well he’d got to know everyone working at the laundry; and they’d obviously come to know him very quickly.  He had a total of seven new different kinds of mop, five new scrubbing brushes, and a bunch of people had clubbed together to get him a steam press.  He was on cloud nine.

            Once the sun started going down, people began to drift out into the streets.  The huge communal fire was lit, and tables set out with goodies and hot mulled wine were placed around in the snow.  Everywhere you looked there were people waving, hugging, smiling and exclaiming over gifts. 

            After about half an hour, Lister and Rimmer were becoming very glad that they’d thought of bringing their sacks.  Although they’d initially become lighter as they gave their presents out, they hadn’t considered just how many presents they might be getting from other people and it wasn’t long before their sacks were full again.

            As the last light faded from the sky and the shadows cast by the fire became inky black, the snow began to fall again in a thick heavy blanket.  The villagers huddled closer to the fire, listening to the sputtering hiss as the flakes dropped into the heat.  Some people were singing carols.

            Lister stood alone, listening to the singers and warming his hands, while Rimmer did some compulsory socialising with his work-mates over by the food-tables.  He seriously felt that this was just about the best Christmas he’d ever had.  He caught sight of Ethan a little way away, talking to a group of guys from the sheep farm, and gave him a smile and a wave when he looked up.  Ethan waved back, gesturing with a grin that he was wearing the new scarf that Lister and Rimmer had got him.  Yes; this was a good Christmas.  They really did belong here.

            He felt a hand on his arm and turned round to see Jason smiling at him; “Here you are!  I’ve been looking for you for ages!”

“Sorry, man,” Lister smiled back, “I was having a reflective moment.  When did you get here?”

“Just after sundown.  If you get here too late they always run out of those little sugar pastries.  Anyway...surprise!  Santa’s here!”  He held out a tiny package.  Lister took it, intrigued, and pulled off the wrapping.

             “Wow!”  A round copper pendant on a length of leather thong slid out into his palm. 

“I made it,” Jason said proudly, “Is it okay?”

“It’s fantastic,” Lister said sincerely.  He held it up to take a closer look.  The copper glowed like something enchanted in the firelight.  There was a symbol carved onto it.  “What’s this?” he asked Jason.

“Oh, well, I wanted it to be something personal just for you, you know?  So I designed the picture especially.  It’s not an ancient mystic symbol or anything; it’s just meant to show a merging of a star and a flower.  The star is for all the time you spent in space and the flower is to represent your connection to the earth now that you’re a farm boy, like us.”  Jason smiled.

            Lister shook his head, touched; “Jase, that’s so beautiful.  I don’t know what to say!” 

“Here.  Let me help you put it on.”  He took it gently out of Lister’s hand and stepped forward to tie it deftly around his throat.  As he fastened the knot behind his neck, he looked down into Lister’s face and smiled, “You’re cheeks have gone red.”

“It must be the fire,” Lister replied, looking away, embarrassed.  Jason took a step back and looked at him critically; “It suits you,” he said.  Lister reached up to touch it.  The metal felt warm against his skin.

            “Jason!” Rimmer appeared from behind Lister’s shoulder, “Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas, Arn,” Jason smiled.  Lister turned to his lover and showed him the necklace, “Look what he gave me!”

“That’s nice,” Rimmer said with genuine appreciation.

“He made it,” Lister added.

“Wow.  That’s very impressive.”  Rimmer put an arm around Lister’s waist, “Do you want to go home soon?  I don’t want to be a wet blanket, but I think I’ve eaten way too much and I can feel a quantity of mulled wine sloshing around in my stomach.  The two aren’t mixing very well.”

“That’s okay.  I’m starting to get chilly anyway.”  He caught sight of Adam and Richard a little way away, “Just let me give Adam his present and we’ll go.  Thanks again for the necklace, Jason.  It’s awesome.”

“Any time,” Jason smiled.

            Lister went over to where his two other friends were standing, “Hey guys! Merry Christmas!”

“Dave!  Where have you been hiding?”

“Over by the fire.  Sorry to bail on you, but Rimmer’s staring to feel queasy so I think we’re heading home.”

“Aw, come on.  Stay just a bit longer.  There’s still some food left!”

“It’s okay.  I think I’m ready to call it a night anyway.  I just wanted to give you this.” He handed the bottle of rum to Adam. 

“Nice one!” Adam grinned, “This’ll keep me going for a while.”  He nodded to the pendant round Lister’s neck, “I see you got your present from Jason then.  Nice.”

            “How’d you know it was from Jason?” Lister asked, “I thought we were meant to be keeping it all secret?”

“Yeah, that didn’t last long.  It was me who picked your name out of the hat, but Jason asked me to swap.”

“Why?”

“Dunno.  Perhaps he’d already made it for you.”

“That must be it...” Lister murmured.  “Anyway, have a nice night, guys.  I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yeah, I reckon so.  Take care of Rimmer, he looks like he’s going green.”

“Wonderful,” Lister rolled his eyes, ‘Night.”

“Night.”

 


	11. Chapter 11

            Lister wasn’t generally a vain person.  He didn’t care too much about what he wore, so long as he was comfortable and people didn’t actually point and laugh.  But once he’d eased a softly groaning Rimmer into bed and helped soothe him to sleep through the alarming gurgling of his stomach, he went over to his trunk and dug out an old shaving mirror.

            He sat down by the last glowing embers of the fire, where there was still some light, and looked at his reflection.  Jason had been right; the pendant did suit him.  The flaming colour in the copper made his skin glow with warmth and brought out the spark in his dark eyes.  He idly traced the design etched into it, wondering how long it had taken to do.  It was certainly intricate, and very beautiful.  _It’s meant to symbolise the merging of a star and a flower..._  Had Jason noticed how difficult it had been for him to forget his past?  Had he perhaps seen him hanging around the deserted Starbug?  Was this necklace a way of telling him he understood?  _Yes, that was an important part of who and what you are and you should never forget that; but this is who you are now, and this is important too.  _ 

            Maybe he was reading too much into this.  Projecting, Kryten would have called it.  After all, he’d only been expecting a bottle of booze, or maybe some Christmas cookies.  Jason’s generosity had thrown him somewhat and now he was trying to figure out some way of making sense of it.  He should stop puzzling over it, accept that Jason had just been feeling generous and be grateful. e would have to be careful with this thing; he’d feel awful if he lost it, or broke it or something after Jason had gone to so much trouble.

            Lister wrapped the pendant up again and put it on top of his clothes so it would be there for him to put on the next morning.  When he crawled into bed, Rimmer was snoring like a bear with a blocked nose.  Lister grinned and leaned over to kiss his forehead, before curling up with his head on his chest to go to sleep himself.


	12. Chapter 12

            Winters were long in Santa Ria but - on the bright side - spring was fairly short.  Once the ground had thawed enough for the first new green shoots of life to push through, time seemed to accelerate.  The snow melted away in drips and splashes, and finally in streams that swelled the river and left behind a lush spread of thick sweet grass.  The sky turned from grey to blue, and the sun from white to yellow; and only eight weeks after Christmas the first of the lambs was born.

            As soon as the snow was gone, it signalled a return to business as usual for the village.  There were new crops to be sown, birthings to be attended to, and fresh meat to be found. 

            Lister walked into the farmyard one morning and found Jason standing in the centre of a tornado of feathers.  He had a basket full of corn under one arm and was tossing handfuls of it to the excited hens around his feet.  Scurrying among the fat brown birds were several balls of yellow fluff.  Jason saw him and smiled, “Esmerelda and Letty hatched their chicks!  We’ve got six new mouths to feed!”

“Awwww!” Lister squatted down to look at them.  He’d never seen real chicks up close before, “They’re so cute!”  He reached out a tentative finger to stroke one tiny soft head.  “Yeah, well, it’s our job to fatten them up and make sure they’re tasty too,” Jason grinned. 

Lister shook his head, “Don’t make me think about that right now.”

“You’re still a soft city boy at heart, aren’t you, Dave?”

“‘Fraid so.”

            Jason emptied out the last of the corn and jerked his head towards the barn, “Come on.  We’ve got ploughing to do today; and it’s going to be a long sweaty job.  Better get started.”

“Hooray,” Lister said, without much enthusiasm.  He stood up and hesitated.

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t want to step on them,” he said awkwardly, gesturing to the tiny birds running round his feet. 

“Don’t worry, they’ll get out of your way if you move.  You’re not going to squash them.  They might be chickens, but they’re not _that _stupid.”  Sure enough, they scattered as soon as Lister took a cautious step forward.

            Inside, Richard was harnessing Jingles – their biggest horse – to the plough.  Adam was hauling open the massive doors at the other end of the barn.  Lister went over to help him while the other two saw to the horse.  “Looks like being a long day today,” he remarked as they propped the doors open.

“You’re not kidding,” Adam said grimly.  He gestured to some large heavy sacks, “See those?  That’s how much seed we’ve got to get sown today.”  Lister lifted one experimentally and weighed it in his hands.  His face fell, “Ah, crap.”

“You said it.  Trust me, mate, you’re gonna sleep tonight.”

            “Right,” Richard clapped his hands and they gathered round, “Let’s get on with it then.  As the oldest and most experienced of the team, I get the privilege of leading the horse while you bastards lug the sacks.”  They groaned but he held up a hand to silence them, “Sorry, but that’s the tradition.  I’d like to make an exception, I really would, but I don’t feel it’s my place to question such a long-standing precedent.  Now let’s get on with it.”

            Muttering under their breath, Lister and Adam grabbed their sacks and heaved them up onto their backs.  Jason grabbed his and swung it up one-handed over his shoulder.  He winked at them and sauntered out.  They glared at him, then turned to face each other, “You know, sometimes,” Adam said conversationally, “I really, really hate him.”  They trudged out.


	13. Chapter 13

            Several hours later, the guys were tired, aching and dripping with sweat.  Except for Richard, of course, who was strolling along ahead of them at a smug, easy pace.  Despite the fact that summer hadn’t fully arrived yet and the spring breeze still carried a bite, the three of them had all stripped to the waist.  Even Jason, who’d started out with such a spring in his step, was lagging a bit.  They hadn’t even stopped very long for lunch.  Their only consolation was that with every step their sacks got a tiny bit lighter.

            Lister and Adam had fallen back slightly, leaving Jason to steam on ahead.  “Let him get on with it,” Adam advised, “He’s only really happy when he’s making us feel crappy and unfit.”  

“Well, right now he’s not having to try very hard,” Lister grumbled; “I thought I’d got into shape since I started here, you know?  But I feel like I’m going to die if we do this much longer!”

“Don’t even think about dying on me!  If you peg it then Richard’ll probably make me carry _your_ bloody sack ‘n all.”

“He probably would,” 

            Lister wiped away the sweat dripping into his eyes and the sun glinted off the pendant round his throat.  “You still wearing that thing?” Adam remarked, nodding to it.  “Yeah,” Lister said, surprised, “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Well, it’s been a good while since Christmas.  You could probably stop wearing it now without seeming impolite.”

“I like it,” Lister said, “Don’t you?”

“Oh, yeah, I mean don’t get me wrong.  It’s nice and everything.  I guess Rimmer’s just a bit more laid back than me.”

“What are you talking about, man?  What’s this got to do with Rimmer?”

            “Well,” Adam said, with unusual cautiousness, “I don’t think _I’d_ like it if Susie was wearing something another guy had given her round her neck every day.”   

“What?!” Lister scoffed, “Come off it, man!  It’s hardly the same thing!”

“Why not?”

“It’s not like it was a gift from an ex or something!  It’s just a Christmas present from a mate!  ”

“A gay mate.”

“So?”

“Think about it this way.  If you were dating a woman and one of her _male_ friends from work gave her a present like that – that she wore _every_ day – how would you feel?”

“This isn’t like that.  This is like...if a girlfriend gave it to her.”

“If you were both straight it might be; but you’re not.”

“That doesn’t make any difference!  We’re still just friends, even if we are both gay.”

            Adam shrugged in an ‘I’m not convinced’ way; “Maybe you’re right.  Maybe I’m just the jealous type.”

“Rimmer would have said something if he didn’t like it, Ads.  Trust me.”

“Okay.”

“I mean, he’s not the type to keep quiet when something’s bothering him, you know?”

“Right.”

            “What are you two nattering about?” Jason asked, wandering back towards them.  He’d obviously got bored of being on his own up ahead.  “My necklace,” Lister said, telling only half the truth.

“It’s nice that you wear it so often,” Jason smiled, reaching over to touch it, “I’m glad you like it so much.”

“We were just saying how kind you were to give Dave such a thoughtful gift,” Adam joined in brightly, but there was a very slight edge to his voice that only Lister picked up on.  “I mean a fruit basket or something is always nice; but a necklace...it’s so much more _personal_.”  Lister shot him a discreet warning look out of the corner of his eye, but Jason didn’t seem to notice.  He grinned playfully, “Yeah, I use it to control him whenever there’s a full moon.”

            They laughed and Lister took the chance to very firmly change the subject.  “You don’t fancy starting a mutiny, do you?  Only my shoulders are killing me.”

“Tempting, isn’t it?” Jason agreed, “Just remember, we’re doing this for the good of the village.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Adam muttered, “That’s easy for you to say, Mr Muscle.”

“Did you know I’m up to two hundred sit ups a day now?” Jason replied sweetly.  Lister could believe it.  You could pick out every clearly defined muscle on Jason’s torso like a textbook drawing of male anatomy.  “Urgh, you make me sick,” he heard Adam say bitterly. 

“Me and Dave just have a greater appreciation of the male form,” Jason said smugly, “Right, Dave?”

            Lister looked up and saw Jason smiling at him, with a slight glint in his eye.  “Er, yeah.  Right,” he agreed, looking away; embarrassed to have been caught staring.

“You’ve lost weight too since you started working here.  I said you would, remember?  No qualms about stripping off now, eh?”  He gave Lister an appreciative look up and down and grinned.  Lister felt a blush threatening to flare up.  He didn’t think he’d ever met anyone who could make him blush with as much regularity as Jason did.  “Still trying to hide the scars though,” Jason gestured to where Lister had knotted his shirt strategically around his waist, “I told you - you should show them off.  Work that whole macho thing.” 

            He moved forward to slide the material away and expose them, but Lister, realising what he was going to do, dodged away sharply.  Suddenly, they heard Richard shouting at them, “Enough slacking, lads!  Get your asses into gear!  Move it!”

            “Slave driver,” Jason snorted, breaking the tension slightly.

“Let’s get on with it,” Adam agreed, “I want to get home before nightfall if possible.”

“Yeah,” Lister said quietly, “Let’s finish up and go home.”


	14. Chapter 14

            When Lister finally staggered through the door later that evening, Rimmer was already home.  He was kneeling by the fire, checking on the contents of the cooking pot.  “Hey,” he looked up when Lister came in, “You’re home late.”

“We had to get the ploughing done.  God, bits of me I didn’t even know I _had_ are hurting.”  He collapsed onto the bed and Rimmer came over to sit beside him and rub his back, “Poor Listy.  Are you hungry?”

 “Starving,” Lister confirmed, looking up at him with wounded puppy-dog eyes.            

            Rimmer knew that look, and knew what was required to make it go away.  He bent down to kiss the top of Lister’s head, “Why don’t you lie here and put your feet up for a while?  I’ll bring your dinner over and then give you a nice massage.  Does that sound good?”

“Mmm,” Lister agreed, smiling and stretching out more comfortably on the bed.  Ah, the puppy-dog look.  It never failed.

            After an immensely satisfying supper of hot stew, and an even more satisfying massage that had quickly turned into something else, Lister was feeling a lot better.  He curled up against Rimmer with a sleepy yawn and shut his eyes.  “Tired already?” Rimmer asked, “That’s not like you.”

“It’s been one hell of a day,” Lister murmured, “I feel like I could sleep for a million years.”

“I thought you were going to try and do some more research tonight.” 

            While going through the ancient ship’s records for the _SS Epsilon_, the ship that had crash-landed and started this community thousands of years previously, Lister had found references to a legend of a missing ship, somewhere in deep space.  He’d shown his findings to both Rimmer and Ethan, who had agreed with him that this could very well be referring to _Red Dwarf_; although the name of the ship had been lost at some point through the ages.  He’d been keen to see if he could find anything else that might prove it conclusively, but the last week or so he’d been too busy to worry about it.

            He pressed closer to Rimmer, “Too tired.  I can play Nancy Drew tomorrow.  Right now I need sleep...”  He felt Rimmer tuck the blankets tighter around him and smiled.  “Okay, then,” Rimmer said, “But I’m holding you to that; if only because I’m sick of all the damn paper you’ve got spread round this place.  You can take back the ones you’ve finished with.”

“Yeah, yeah...” Lister said, but he was already more than half-asleep. 


	15. Chapter 15

            Slave-driver though he could undoubtedly be, Richard was not stupid.  He knew well enough that a repeat of yesterday’s hard labour would result in a grouchy - even if not successful - mutiny.  Today, work was to be general farm duties; which meant feeding the animals, doing some mucking out, collecting a few eggs and maybe chasing away the crows from the freshly-sown fields.  All in all, the guys knew that they’d been given the equivalent of time off for good behaviour.

            Richard let them go once the sun hit the horizon, but Lister declined the offer to join the group for a drink at Jason’s.  He hadn’t forgotten his promise to Rimmer that he would get rid of some of the paper swamping their place.  After a quick supper, he set off with his arms full to put some of it back.

            Over the weeks he’d developed a sense of how things had been filed here in ‘The Paperwork Hut’; which was – basically – that they hadn’t been.  People had just dumped piles of registers, files, records and even receipts here whenever they’d needed to make some space somewhere else, without much thought for anyone who might one day want to find them again.  You might find a wadge of stuff from one particular year all together, but it would be sandwiched between things dating hundreds of years apart.

            Generally, the stuff from the _Epsilon_ tended to be near the bottom of the piles, simply because it dated back the furthest; which meant that Lister often spent at least the first twenty minutes of any time he was here just digging through to find the right layer of paper.

            He’d set up a small desk and chair for himself so that he could do the bulk of any reading _in situ_ without having to drag more of the stuff home and annoying Rimmer.  Once he’d got the torches along the wall lit up and blazing, he settled down for a long search.

            It turned out to be a lot longer than he’d anticipated.  In fact, he was still pouring over piles of yellowing paper by the time 12:30 rolled around.  He’d found a stack of files containing information that looked like it could be relevant to the ‘_Dwarf_; but no matter how hard he looked, he couldn’t find a direct link anywhere that would prove it.  A mention of Holly or of the captain, smeg, even some _dates _would have helped, but he couldn’t pin anything down.

            The torches were getting low now and he could barely see the text anymore in their fading light.  He picked up a sheaf of papers he’d put to one side and had a brief glance through them, but his heart wasn’t in it.  He just wasn’t capable, physically or mentally, of reading anything else tonight.  He stood up to stretch and felt his back click slightly as his spine straightened out.  He’d been hunched over this crap far too long.  It was time to call it a night.

            “Dave?”  He spun round in alarm at the sound of his name and saw a figure in the doorway, silhouetted against the communal fire outside.  The flickering light made it impossible to make out his face.

            The man stepped forward into the hut, and into what remained of the torchlight.  Lister let out a relieved sigh, “Jason!  You scared me half to death, man!”

“Sorry,” he half-smiled, “Were you expecting someone else?”

“I wasn’t expecting anyone.  That’s why you scared me.  What the hell time is it?”

“Late.  Adam’s passed out drunk in my bed and he won’t stop snoring, so I thought I’d go for a walk.  Then I saw the light on in here...”  Lister gave a brief nod, indicating he didn’t need to explain.

            In truth, his initial relief that it was only Jason and not anything scarier that had crept up on him was starting to fade; and was being replaced by the more familiar feelings of slight awkwardness he always seemed to get when he was around.

            He glanced down the front of the open shirt Jason must have thrown on when he came out and, as always, found himself gazing in astonishment at the perfectly flat muscularity of his stomach.  Quickly, he made himself look up again and their eyes met.  He felt his cheeks start to burn as he realised Jason had seen him looking.  How humiliating.

            He heard the soft sound of footsteps on the bare earth and risked looking up and making eye-contact again.  Jason was standing right in front of him.  His closeness might have felt threatening, but his expression, though serious, wasn’t hostile.  He reached out and touched the pendant at Lister’s throat.  “This always looks best in firelight, I think,” he said softly.  Lister said nothing.  He wasn’t sure what to say, or what to make of this turn of events.  Jason was making no move to attack him, or harm him in any way, but for some reason all his nerves were on edge; his heart was beating faster than it should have been.

            He was so tense, that when he felt the first light touch on his hand, he actually jumped.  “It’s okay,” Jason whispered.  Lister looked down and saw that he was carefully sliding the papers that he still held loosely in his hand out of his grasp.  He set them down carefully on the desk.  Then, very gently, he took Lister’s hand again.  And lay it flat against his stomach.

            Lister drew in a deep breath.  He couldn’t move.  He couldn’t speak.  His ears were ringing.  He couldn’t quite work out what was happening here.  What was happening to _him_.  He stared at his hand, at the sight of his skin against Jason’s and it seemed like some surreal dream; as if reality had twisted like a roller coaster track beneath his feet while he wasn’t looking.

            “It’s okay,” Jason whispered again, his hand caressing Lister’s, holding it against him.  “Touch me.  Feel me.”

            As if in a trance, Lister trailed his fingers across his skin.  He felt muscles tighten and flex beneath the surface.  He’d never felt anything quite like it before.  It was...fascinating....

            Absorbed in his timid exploration, he didn’t notice Jason’s hand moving.  In fact, he didn’t notice it until it was pressed very firmly, and with some expertise, between his legs.  Suddenly reality came flooding back.  Suddenly he realised what he was doing, what they were _both_ doing; and that he had a very, very hard erection that had woken up right about the time Jason had touched his throat.

            His head snapped up to look Jason in the face, but before he could say anything - before he could even draw the breath to speak – Jason’s lips were on his, Jason’s _body_ was on his; and they were pressed tight against one another.  He felt Jason grab his hips, rubbing their hard-ons together firmly through the straining material of their jeans.  The sensation made him groan helplessly against Jason’s mouth; and Jason took the opportunity to dart his tongue between his lips.

            The kiss seemed to last a lifetime.  It was rough, it was gentle, it was tender, it was passionate; it was all consuming.

            It was Lister who eventually pulled away first, gasping for air.  “Jason...Jason, no...! Stop!” 

“Don’t say that,” Jason begged breathlessly, “I know you don’t mean it.  I’ve seen the way you look at me.  I know you’ve been wanting this.  And I want you.  I wanted you ever since that first day we spoke in the fields when you were so shy and embarrassed about everything.  So don’t say that.  Don’t say anything.  No words now.  Just you and me.  Just this...” He pulled him into another kiss.

            Lister felt like his head was on fire.  Feelings and emotions were exploding all over his brain like a firework display and the sparks were obscuring all rational thought.  He was making out with Jason.  He was doing something wrong and awful and traitorous...and something he’d been fantasising about for months.  He hadn’t wanted to admit it; he’d tried telling himself that he only saw Jason as a friend; that the only reason he always seemed to catch himself gazing at that tanned, toned body was because he was jealous of it.  But as soon as they’d touched, as soon as he’d felt that incredible body pressed against his, something inside had snapped and rebelled; and he was powerless to stop.  His will had broken, and he couldn’t pretend anymore; even to himself.  He had to face the truth.  As much as he hated himself for it, Jason drove him crazy. 

            Jason’s mouth was on his neck, moving ever downwards as his hands pulled open Lister’s shirt with an eagerness that was almost feverish.  He sank down onto his knees, his lips tracing their way down his chest and stomach, his arms snaking around his hips to pull him closer; to trap him in a serpent’s embrace.  Lister forced himself to think of Rimmer.  He’d be waiting for him at home; lying in their bed wondering when he was coming back, whether he’d found anything interesting.  He couldn’t do this.  He couldn’t betray him this way.

            He could feel Jason’s hands on his ass, squeezing and caressing, moving up now beneath his shirt to push the material back and bare more of his skin to his roving tongue.  With a great effort, Lister curled his fingers into his hair and tried to move his head back, “No...Jason, we can’t...We can’t...”

“It’s okay,” Jason murmured quickly, holding him tighter, his lips still exploring, “It will be okay, just relax, just go with it and everything will be alright...”

“Jason...”

            He almost gave in.  He might have taken the advice and let himself go; relaxed, said to hell with it and dealt with the consequences later.  He might very well have done that.

            If he hadn’t suddenly felt Jason’s tongue curl over the tender, sensitive skin of his scars. 

            He drew in a sharp, shocked breath and, before he’d even realised it, he’d grabbed Jason’s shoulders and shoved him away hard.  Without stopping to look back, he bolted from the room, only vaguely hearing Jason shout his name as he fled.

 


	16. Chapter 16

            He ran out towards the plains without even thinking about where he was going.  He just knew he needed space suddenly.  He needed the wide open sky and the vast empty fields, and the wind that ran through them both to blow away the taste of Jason.  To cleanse away his guilt.

            He ran until he couldn’t run anymore; then dropped to his knees in the scrubby grass, wheezing for breath.  He felt like he might burst into tears at any second.  He’d betrayed Rimmer.  Even though he’d stopped what was happening before it could go any further, what he’d already done was more than enough.  Even if he’d done nothing at all; he still would have been guilty in thought, if not in deed; and that wasn’t a whole lot better.  And the worst part was, he knew that he’d come horribly close to not stopping at all.

            The only reason that he’d snapped out of his helpless trance of arousal was because Jason had made a serious and unwise error of judgement in his seduction. He’d made a push for intimacy that had been both too far and too fast by half. 

            Sex was one thing.  Lister was no prude; he’d been there and pretty much done it all one way or another.  What Jason had done at that moment however, had been nothing to do with sex, and he knew it.  It had been a psychological attack.  He knew what Lister’s weak point was and he’d gone for it with claws and teeth out.

            _He’d licked his scars_.  Not even Rimmer had ever done that.  He knew better.  The sense of shock, of vulnerability, the sense of pure _invasion_ had dragged up a flashback of the only time in his life he’d ever felt that kind of emotion before; and it had probably been the last thing Jason had wanted him to think of at that moment.

            He’d thought of the first ever time he’d felt Rimmer’s tongue touch his ass.

            And that was why he’d run.  Not only because it brought crashing home the full impact of what he was doing; but also because it had made him realise that no matter how sexy Jason was, he didn’t want that kind of intimacy with him.  Not now, not ever.  He only wanted Rimmer.

            He looked up at the sky.  Space was only black when you were up there.  From down here it was a deep sapphire blue, the colour of infinity, with a shower of diamond stars that watched him with cold disinterest; the same way they watched everything else.  Lister looked back at them, hoping against hope that he would spot one falling; so he could make a wish to take back what had just happened with Jason.  He would have given anything to turn back the clock and make this last half hour have never happened.  But he couldn’t.  He was going to have to live with it forever.

            “Dave?”  He looked around and saw Jason standing nervously a few feet away.  He looked worried.  “I thought I should come after you...You seemed so upset...” he said awkwardly.  Lister sighed heavily and climbed to his feet.

“I’m okay, man” he said quietly, “I’m sorry I pushed you.  I just...I had to get out.”

“I didn’t mean...” Jason started to say wretchedly, but Lister interrupted him.

“It doesn’t matter,” he said. “I’m sorry, Jason, but this...It just can’t happen.” 

            He took in his expression and felt the need to explain himself.  “It’s not like there isn’t a part of me that really, really wants to,” he admitted.  “You’re a gorgeous guy and I fancy you like mad, but...” he shrugged helplessly, “I love Rimmer.  It’s as simple as that.  I won’t risk hurting him, or losing him, and I won’t cheat on him.  Not for anyone.  I’m sorry.”

“I love you too,” Jason said, but it sounded petulant rather than tender; and Lister wasn’t sure he believed him.  Either way, he wasn’t going to stand here and argue about it.  “Perhaps,” he settled for, diplomatically, “But you’ve only known me for a few months.  And what Rimmer and I have...Everything we’ve been through together over the years...Well, that makes for a different kind of love.  And I won’t give that up.  So I hope you understand why what happened tonight can’t ever happen again.  I’m sorry that I led you on, man, I really am.  But it has to end now; tonight.”

            Jason sighed and for a moment Lister thought he might argue, but when he spoke it was with sadness and nothing more.  “If that’s really how you feel,” he said softly, “Then I don’t suppose there’s anything else I can do.  But if you ever change your mind, then don’t forget, I’ll be here waiting.”

“I’ll remember,” Lister told him, “Just don’t wait too long.  I don’t want you wasting time on me when you could be happy with someone else.”  Jason stared at him hard,

“You really don’t think there’s any chance that we could ever be together?” he asked him, “How can you be so sure?”  Lister laughed weakly,

“Let’s just say that me and Rimmer...we did all our arguing a long time ago.  If we still love each other after all that, I can’t think of anything that would tear us apart.”

“So...” Jason said glumly, “Just friends then?”

“Yeah.  But good friends still.  I hope,” Lister added, a mite more cheerfully.

“Okay.”  Jason stepped forward and they hugged briefly.

            All in all, Lister felt, things could have ended a lot worse.


	17. Chapter 17

            As Lister walked home, he agonised over whether or not he should confess to Rimmer what had just happened.  He didn’t want to lie to him; but the thought of what might happen if Rimmer took it really badly made him feel sick inside.  Would Rimmer leave him over something like this?  Was it worth risking the total destruction of their relationship over something this trivial?  After all, it had only been a kiss.  Okay, maybe not _just_ a kiss, there had been some touching too, but Lister had called a halt fairly sharply.  No clothes had been removed.  And he had made it very clear that nothing of the sort was to ever happen again.  Telling Rimmer would only hurt him unnecessarily.

            But then...what if he didn’t say anything and Rimmer found out anyway?  Gossip spread like wildfire in Santa Ria; and if anyone had seen even a glimpse of what had just happened between Lister and Jason then by noon tomorrow the whole village would know.  Surely it would be best to come clean now.  At least that way Rimmer would hear it from him and no-one else.

            Although, he reasoned, the chances of anyone having seen them were very remote.  People here went to bed early and rose early; the likelihood of someone else still being awake and about at this time was very slim.  He was probably safe.

            He tiptoed into their hut and stared for a long time at the sleeping figure of his boyfriend.  And knew that he couldn’t do it.  He couldn’t wake him up and tell him what he’d just done.  If – God forbid – he did find out some other way, Lister would just have to explain to him that the incident had been so stupid and irrelevant that he hadn’t felt the need to bother him with it.

            He crawled into bed and Rimmer rolled over to snuggle up to him.  For a horrible guilty moment, Lister was terrified that he would be able to smell Jason on him, but of course he couldn’t.  “Anything interesting?” Rimmer yawned, only half-awake.

“No,” Lister said softly, “Nothing.  Go back to sleep, Rimmer.”

“Mmm,” Rimmer agreed and promptly fell asleep again.  Lister lay his head against his shoulder and spent a long time staring at the ceiling before he fell asleep.


	18. Chapter 18

            Lister was fairly tense the next morning, but there were no hushed whispers or furtive looks his way as he walked through the village to the farm the next morning.  By the time he met up with the others at the barn, he knew that what had happened was still strictly between him and Jason.  It had crossed his mind that Jason might have confessed to Richard and Adam, which wasn’t entirely impossible.  He knew they could be trusted not to spread the news, but they probably wouldn’t be too impressed either and might give the pair of them a bit of a bollocking for doing something so stupid.  But when he arrived they greeted him normally enough; and Jason, though he seemed somewhat subdued, did no more than give him a slightly sad smile then carried on as though nothing had happened.  He was off the hook.

            It took a while for Lister to feel completely at ease with the situation - he kept expecting to come home one night to find Rimmer gone and a note saying he knew everything – but the night never came and, gradually, he relaxed.  He and Jason kept a discreet but respectful distance from each other for a week or so, just to get over most of the weirdness, but Richard and Adam didn’t seem to notice and it wasn’t long before things were back to normal.

            Although...sometimes Lister would look up from his work and he would see Jason staring over at him with a sad expression.  And he would smile weakly to try and say _Hey, still friends remember?_  And Jason would smile back just as weakly and go back to what he was doing.  It wasn’t a perfect set-up, but they both knew where they stood and that was the important thing.  Jason would get over it and find someone else soon enough and then things would be fine again; but until that happened they simply had to live with it and each other.

            Meanwhile, Lister was just enjoying his relationship with Rimmer with the renewed appreciation of someone who’s come a bit too close to losing something.  As spring deepened swiftly into summer, their first anniversary started to approach.  He could tell Rimmer was excited, and he was too; but they were both resisting saying too much to each other about it just yet.  This was the longest relationship Rimmer had ever had, and one of only a few long-term relationships for Lister, and they were both wary of ruining the upcoming celebration by building up too much expectation.  They were also trying to find out from each other, in a roundabout sort of way, which of them was meant to be organising things.  Traditionally it would be up to the man in a relationship to arrange for dinner or drinks or some such thing; but when both participants in the relationship are male, it can cause some problems.

            Lister had turned to Ethan for help with this perplexing conundrum, but had not got the response he’d been looking for.  “Why are you worrying about it?” Ethan had asked, “You know Rimmer will sort something out.”

“Why?” Lister asked indignantly, “Why not me?”

“Well, because Rimmer’s the man.”  Lister coughed pointedly and raised an eyebrow.  “Yes, yes, I know technically you’re both _male_ but when it comes to your relationship we all know that Rimmer’s the man.”

“He is not!”

“He is, Dave.  Admit it.”

“Why?”

“You do all the cooking.”

“Only because I usually get home first!”

“Okay, well who usually tops?”

“Ethan!”

“It’s Rimmer, isn’t it?”

“We take turns!”

“But most of the time it’s Rimmer, right?” 

            Lister huffed slightly and looked away and Ethan grinned.  “And, here comes the clincher...He’s bigger than you.”

“So?  You don’t think I could take him on?”  Lister said incredulously, “You’re seriously telling me you don’t think I could take on Rimmer in a scrap?”  Ethan just looked at him.

            Lister was astounded.  Just a few years ago the very idea that he couldn’t beat Rimmer in a fight would have been...well, laughable.  But, now that he thought about it, Rimmer _had_ trained himself up to be Ace.  Perhaps these days he _would_ be able to at least give Lister a run for his money.  As Ethan had pointed out, he was both bigger and heavier; and broader across the shoulders.  Lister was still pondering this when Ethan patted his shoulder sympathetically, “Face it, Dave.  You’re his bitch.  But, hey, I’m assuming you like it, ‘cause otherwise you wouldn’t be there, right?  Just be grateful you’re not the one who has to sort out this anniversary stuff.”   


	19. Chapter 19

            Although not entirely agreeing with Ethan’s theory that he was Rimmer’s bitch, Lister decided to take his advice and leave it to Rimmer to decide what they were going to do for their anniversary.  Looking back on it later, Lister realised that things could have gone very differently if he’d asserted his right as a man to do the organising, but hindsight is never much comfort in these circumstances.

            One night, after Rimmer had rolled off Lister with a deeply satisfied sigh and they’d curled into their favourite post-coital position – with him spooned against Lister’s back – Rimmer made his push.

            “There’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about,” he murmured into Lister’s ear.

“Mmm?” Lister managed, already drifting off to sleep.

“You might be a little shocked.  I’ll understand if you decide you don’t want to discuss it.”

“What is it?” Lister yawned.

“Well...” Rimmer slipped his arm around him and pulled him back tighter against his chest so he could nuzzle the back of his neck.  Lister smiled sleepily and wriggled so that his butt fit more snugly into Rimmer’s lap.  “...You know I love you, don’t you?”

“Of course I do,” he whispered.

“And you know how our anniversary is coming up?  Well, I thought it might be fun to do something a bit wild...?”  He made the last part a question and Lister, despite being half-asleep, picked up on it.  “I’m listening...”

“It’s just that I’ve noticed recently that I’m not the only one who thinks you’re gorgeous round here.”

            Lister laughed softly and squeezed his hand, “You’re so daft sometimes, man.”

“I know, but I don’t think I’m being daft about this.  I think Jason’s got the hots for you.  That necklace he gave you for Christmas...and he always seems to be staring at you...”

“Silly,” Lister said weakly, but he could feel his heartbeat had quickened.

“So,” Rimmer continued cautiously, “I was thinking of asking him if he’d have a threesome with us.”

            Lister’s eyes flew wide open.  “_What?!_”

            Wide-awake now, he rolled over in Rimmer’s arms so they were face to face.  “Are you serious?”

“I know it sounds odd,” Rimmer said, “But the more I thought about him wanting you, the less jealous I got and I started to feel kind of...turned on by it.  That somebody else wants you and can’t have you because you’re mine.” 

            He leaned over and gave the stunned Lister a gentle kiss on the lips.  “I started to imagine inviting him over for dinner one night,” he continued softly, “And I’d be so loving to you; kissing and stroking you in front of him so that he’d be going mad with jealousy and the desire to touch you.  And then, just as he’s about to leave because he can’t take it anymore, I say, “What?  No kiss goodnight?”  And as he kisses you, I start to take your clothes off...And between us we strip you and tease you and fuck you all night long.  And even though he’ll have had that one night of sharing you with me, he’ll know you’ll never be his and that he can never have you again.  Only now he’ll know exactly what he’s missing.”

            Lister let out his breath.  “Rimmer...That’s...” He didn’t know quite how to complete the sentence.  Beautiful?  Twisted?  Cruel?  The most fucking erotic thing I’ve ever heard in my life?  All sleepiness was gone now and he had another erection, a huge one at that, but still... “I don’t know.  I think it would upset you more than you think.  You do get jealous, after all,” he pointed out cautiously.

“Lister,” Rimmer reached over to touch his face, “Don’t you understand?  This proves how much I trust you!  That’s why it’s such a turn on!  Because I know that when it’s all over, he’ll be the one who has to go home alone while you fall asleep in my arms.  That’s the beauty of it!  It doesn’t damage our bond, it strengthens it!  The knowledge that after he’s been and gone we’ll still have each other.”  He gazed deep into Lister’s eyes, “That he couldn’t take you from me.  That you’re still mine and always will be.”

            Lister said nothing for a moment, just stared back into Rimmer’s eyes; then, reassured by what he saw there, broke into a smile.  “Kiss me, you soppy smeghead!”


	20. Chapter 20

 

            A few nights later, when Lister came back to their hut after work, Rimmer greeted him with a rather more enthusiastic kiss than was normal.  “Mmmm, what are you so pleased about?” he asked finally, leaning back to look him in the face. 

“I spoke to Jason today,” Rimmer replied, his eyes twinkling, “He’s coming over for dinner tomorrow night.”

“You spoke to Jason?” Lister felt a stab of shock deep in his stomach.  “When?  Where?”

“Around lunchtime.  I came round to find you but he said you were off in the fields somewhere with Adam.  So, while I was there I suggested he might like to come over for a bite to eat...”

              “You mean...” Lister said weakly, “You really want to go through with this?”

“Of course!” Rimmer beamed at him.

“But I...I thought that was just pillow talk, man!” Lister said, stepping back from their embrace; “I didn’t think you would actually want to...”

            Rimmer came back down to earth and started to realise that his news was not being received in the manner he’d hoped.  He forced himself to reign in his excitement and looked carefully at his lover.  “Listy?” he prodded gently.  Lister said nothing; but his expression told Rimmer everything he needed to know.

            “I thought you liked the idea,” he said gently, reaching out to take his hand.  Lister squeezed it gratefully. 

“I did,” he admitted sheepishly, “But..._only_ as an idea, man. It was sexy to just talk about it, you know, and imagine what it might be like.   But to actually do it...I really don’t know...” 

“But it _will_ be just like we imagined,” Rimmer promised.  He slid his arms around Lister’s waist; “I just want him to know how wonderful you are,” he whispered; “I want to share how incredible you make me feel.  And I want to give you the best night you’ll ever have in your life.”  

“We don’t need Jason for that,” Lister told him quietly.

“My mistake.  Should I have asked Kriss instead?” Rimmer smiled mischievously.  Lister fixed him with a look, only half-smiling.  Even though they’d been together a year, Rimmer still felt threatened by Kriss.  At least he was at the stage where he could joke about it, but he just couldn’t seem to let it go completely.  “Don’t start with me on that, Rimmer.”

“Alright, alright; I was only teasing.  My point is that I want this to be something wonderful for you.  Something more than I could give you on my own.”

 “I know it sounds good,” Lister said weakly, “But, Rimmer, I just think...” 

“It would be so hot,” Rimmer purred persuasively, “Think how it will feel to have both of us fucking you at once.  Think how _good_ it will be.”  Lister swallowed hard.  It was an image that his brain was way too keen to supply for him and he had to admit it _was_ hot.  But he was also horribly aware that this was very dangerous territory.  This was the kind of thing that could destroy a relationship.  And Jason...why of all people did it have to be _Jason_?

            “I just... I don’t want you to hate me afterwards,” he said finally, holding tightly to Rimmer; “And if wasn’t how you imagined, or you started to change your mind, or if things just went horribly wrong...I don’t want anything to ruin what we have.” 

Rimmer shushed him gently, “You know I could never hate you.  And you know I would never even consider doing this if I thought there was any chance that it could hurt us.  I love you, Listy, and if this isn’t what you want, then we won’t do it.  End of story.”

            Lister paused awkwardly.  Rimmer really wanted him to do this; he could tell.  If he put his foot down now and told him ‘no’, he would be nice about it and he wouldn’t argue...but he would be disappointed.  Very.  But he couldn’t do this just to make Rimmer happy.  This wasn’t some silly everyday domestic compromise; this was serious.  If he felt uncomfortable about doing this he had to say so.  To pretend, and go through with it when he really didn’t want to, would be more damaging to their relationship than if he were just to refuse.  But then...

            He felt awful about it, but part of him did want to do this.  It was hot and sexy and wild, and he had no doubt at all that it would be a mind-blowing experience.  But should he really do this with Jason after what had already happened between them?  Although Jason had apparently respected his decision to keep their relationship on an absolutely platonic level, and had made no further attempt to push that boundary, he knew in his heart that - despite their pretences - he and Jason just didn’t think about each other in a purely platonic manner.  Everything in his soul told him it would be a bad idea to blow on this fire when it was so, so nearly out; that he risked burning all three of them.

            But then maybe...just maybe...this could work.  If he and Jason could satisfy their attraction legitimately, without guilt, then perhaps they could get over it and go back to being just friends.  With the mystery gone, the physical desire sated and the sense of the forbidden taken away, they might very well find that the annoying little spark between them finally fizzled.  Which would, Lister had to admit, be one hell of a relief. 

            Yes...This could work.  Rimmer would get his fantasy, Jason would get his fantasy and Lister would get them both; for the evening anyway.

            “Dave?” Rimmer pressed gently, “I mean it.  You don’t have to do this.  We can still have a nice, pleasant evening that ends with Jason leaving after dinner without any funny stuff whatsoever, if that’s what you want.  Just say the word.” 

            Lister took a deep breath, then looked up into his face and smiled, “Well...Maybe I could be persuaded...” Rimmer grinned ecstatically and Lister reached over to tap his nose teasingly; “If you give me a little preview of what’s in store, that is...”


	21. Chapter 21

 

            Lister went through the whole of the next day feeling as though he were on some kind of drug.  Everything seemed way too clear and bright; almost hyper-real.  Of course it was just excitement – and nervousness – about the night ahead, but his adrenaline had already well and truly kicked in.

            Part of him was still not one hundred per cent sure that this was a good idea.  He kept wondering what would happen if Jason was horrified and stormed out.  How would he ever face him again?  How would he face him if he said yes?  By the time the evening rolled around, Lister was one big ball of nervous energy.

            Rimmer on the other hand, though he was obviously excited, seemed very much in control of what was happening.  He’d bought several bottles of a nice white wine and had put them outside to chill, had planned the meal, set the table and lit the fire.  He’d even picked Lister’s outfit for him.  And accessorized it of course...

“You’ve got to wear this tonight,” he said mock-sternly, gazing down into Lister’s face as he tied the copper pendant around his throat for him, “It would be rude not to really; considering the circumstances!” 

            Lister smiled and said nothing.  He was remembering the night Jason had given him the necklace, and that he’d tied it on for him too.  It seemed fitting somehow that he not only wear it tonight; but that Rimmer should be the one to tie it on for him; the two of them mirroring each other without even knowing.

            Just as Rimmer finished securing the knot, Jason himself arrived.  “Evening, guys!”  He raised an eyebrow at the scene in front of him; “So that’s why you’re always late for work!” he quipped, “You need Rimmer to dress you!”

Before Lister could reply, Rimmer had slipped an arm around his waist, “I like to dress him up sometimes,” he replied with a slow smile, “Although these aren’t the clothes we normally use for it.” 

            Jason shook his head and Lister, embarrassed, gave Rimmer a gentle swat.  “Shut up, man!  He doesn’t want to know about that!”  He turned to their guest, “Would you like a drink, Jase?”

“That’d be great, thanks.  I...er...brought a bottle...”

“Oh, fantastic,” Lister stepped forward and took it from him, “We got in a few bottles too.  We’re gonna end up plastered at this rate!  I’ll just go and stick this one outside to cool, shall I?”  He was gabbling, he knew he was, but his nerves were seriously on edge.

            He darted round to the back of their hut and set the bottle down next to the others.  He picked up a cold one, yanked the cork out and took a deep swig.  This was insane.  This was truly insane.  He’d thought he’d got his head round this, but now that Jason was here, actually standing in their home making small talk with Rimmer, he just couldn’t believe they were doing this.  He couldn’t be about to have sex with these two men at the same time.  It was crazy!  It was _surreal_!

            “Lister?” he spun round and saw Rimmer standing behind him, “You okay?”

“Fine!” Lister said brightly, but his voice was too high, too brittle.  Rimmer came over and put his arms around him,

“It’s not too late to change your mind, you know,” he said seriously, “If you’re not happy about this then...” 

            Lister saw the disappointment already starting to cloud his lover’s eyes and forced a smile, “Hey!  Hey!  I’m fine!  Really!  Just a little nervous, that’s all!  Aren’t you?  I’m okay.  Come on, let’s get back inside.  We can’t keep our guest waiting, can we?”  He went to go back indoors but Rimmer held onto him for just a second longer.

“I do love you, you know,” he said simply.  Lister softened and squeezed his hand,

“And I love you too.  Always.”

“It’s going to be incredible, I promise you,” Rimmer whispered, running his fingers lightly up and down either side of Lister’s ribcage.  It was such a little thing, but he knew it always got him excited and this was no exception.  “It’s going to be just perfect...”

           


	22. Chapter 22

 

            A couple of hours later, the three of them were still sat around the table, chatting.  The food was gone, so was a lot of the wine, and Lister was drunk.  Not loud, raucous drunk; not even swaying drunk.  This was a new kind of drunkenness, especially for him.  Everything felt kind of soft and hazy and warm but he was totally, utterly aware of everything that was going on; perhaps more so than he’d ever been while sober.  Every little crackle from the fire, every light touch of Rimmer’s fingers, every lingering glance that Jason was throwing his way; he was picking up on it all.  Emboldened by the effects of the wine, he met Jason’s gaze head-on across the table while Rimmer was talking and their eyes locked over the candlelight.  If a fly had happened to buzz between them at that moment it would have spontaneously combusted in mid air.

            “...Isn’t that right, Listy?”  He caught the tail end of Rimmer’s sentence and was forced to turn away from Jason to reply. 

“Hmm?  Oh, right.  Yes.”

“You’ve barely heard a word I’ve said, have you?” Rimmer said, sliding his arms around him and kissing his nose, “My little alcoholic.  You’re drunk, miladdo.”

“So’re you,” Lister challenged playfully, “Or you wouldn’t be talking such rubbish in the first place.”

“You know, I’m feeling a bit light-headed too,” Jason confessed, smiling.

“Good.  Then we’re all drunk together.  Marvellous,” Rimmer said cheerfully, “How about another?”

            Lister drained his glass and took a deep breath.  He was definitely starting to feel a real buzz now.  He didn’t drink wine much; he’d always preferred lager and recently he’d been getting used to the local coconut rum that the rest of the lads at the farm drank, so being drunk on wine really was quite a new experience for him.

            Rimmer was opening another bottle and Lister squinted at the label, “This is the one you brought, isn’t it, Jase?”

“Yeah.  ‘S meant to be good,” he said and Lister picked up on the slight slur in his voice.  For some reason he found it quite sexy, but that could’ve been for the same reason that Jason was slurring. 

            Rimmer filled up their glasses and clinked his against Lister’s.  “Here’s to our first year of happiness together, my love.”

“It’s your anniversary?” Jason asked in surprise, “And you asked me over for dinner?  You two should be alone...”

“Oh, it’s not the actual night tonight,” Rimmer reassured him, “But as we’re celebrating anyway, may as well raise a glass, eh?”

“Right,” Lister agreed, taking a deep sip.  Rimmer moved closer to him and nuzzled against his bare neck, “And Listy’s always up for a celebration, aren’t you?”

            Lister giggled, both from the wine and because Rimmer’s nose was tickling him, “You know I love a party, babe,” he replied when he’d swallowed his drink.  Rimmer kissed him.  Jason shifted awkwardly in his seat and Lister noticed.  He wriggled away from Rimmer, smiling.  “Save it for later, Arnie.  We’ve got company, remember?”

“I do apologise, Jason.  I hope we’re not making you uncomfortable,” Rimmer smiled charmingly, “But it’s difficult to control yourself sometimes when there’s something you want right in front of you, isn’t it?”

“Can’t argue with that,” Jason replied with a tight smile, but he wasn’t looking at Rimmer when he said it.  He was looking straight at Lister.  Lister blushed and looked away, trying not to start giggling again.  Rimmer was really rubbing Jason’s nose in it and he probably didn’t even realise just how badly.  “Sometimes, you’ve just got to reach out and grab,” Rimmer concluded, one arm snaking out to grasp Lister’s behind.  At that point Lister did start giggling, and nearly spat out his drink.  He swiped at Rimmer and nearly toppled off his seat.  “Look what you made me do, smeghead!”

“Don’t pretend you don’t like it.”

            Jason downed his glass and forced some jolliness into his voice, “Perhaps I should be getting back now.  I think I ought to let you guys have some alone time.”  He stood up to go.  Lister looked up at him sweetly, “Aw, come on.  Don’t go, Jase.  The night is young and there’s still two bottles of wine left.”

“I don’t know...”

“Come oooon,” Lister batted his eyelashes at him, “You don’t really want to go, do you?” 

“Anyway,” Rimmer smiled, “You can’t leave without kissing goodbye.  That would just be impolite.”

            Jason smiled and shook his head, “I suppose there is that.”  He walked round the table and bent over to give Rimmer a kiss on the cheek, “Thanks for dinner, Arn.  It was great.”  He turned to Lister and hesitated for a moment.  _He doesn’t want to give himself away_, Lister realised.  He tilted his head up invitingly and looked him in the eyes, almost challenging him.  _You’re not afraid of kissing little me, are you, Jason? _ His heart was pounding with excitement now.  Would Jason take the bait?

            It seemed he would.  Lister felt Rimmer’s hands slide lightly around his waist as Jason bent down to him, and knew it was a signal.  He knew what Rimmer wanted him to do.  At the last moment, as Jason’s lips brushed his cheek, he turned his head slightly and met Jason’s lips with his own.  He felt the shock run through him as they touched, and then felt his shock double as he realised what Lister was doing.  Just so there was no doubt on that score, he deepened their kiss and let one of his hands wander up Jason’s thigh to his crotch. 

            As the two of them finally drew apart, Jason let out a soft breath, seeming a little shell-shocked.  Rimmer tightened his grip on Lister’s waist and stared up at Jason with a small smile, “Hmmm,” he said thoughtfully, “You know, Jason...I think he likes you.  Maybe you should stay after all.”  Jason was quite literally speechless.  “Listy?  I think he needs a little more convincing.”

            Lister stood up, startled for a moment by just how badly his head was spinning, and slipped his arms around Jason’s waist, nuzzling up against his neck.  He could feel his heart racing beneath his shirt, could feel his arousal pressing against him with unmistakeable urgency and he kissed his throat gently.  His mind went back to the night in the paperwork hut when Jason had tried to seduce him and had come damn close to accomplishing his goal.  Well, this time the tables had turned and he was the one doing the seducing; and something told him that he was going to succeed where Jason had lost.  He looked up into his face.  “You told me once,” he said softly, gently fingering the pendant at his throat, “That you thought this looked best in firelight.  But I think it looks even better when I’m not wearing anything else.  Perhaps you should be the judge of that, man.”

            Something seemed to come alive in Jason’s eyes as he finally got a handle on the situation, “Perhaps I should,” he replied.  He pulled Lister hard against him and they started to kiss passionately.  Moments later, Lister felt the press of Rimmer’s body behind him and before he knew it, the two of them were tearing at his clothes.  He started to pull at Jason’s shirt but, before he could get it completely undone, they’d spun him round and suddenly he was kissing Rimmer instead.  He tottered unsteadily on his feet and felt their arms around him, holding him up.  He was too drunk for this, he could barely stand up, but that didn’t seem to bother his companions.

             Before Lister knew it, all three of them were naked.  Jason reached over and plucked the half-empty wine bottle from the table; then tilted it to Lister’s mouth while Rimmer held him from behind, caressing his shoulders and kissing his neck.  Lister swallowed as much of it as he could, but some of it trickled down his throat and chest.  By the time Jason finally took the bottle away and tipped the last few dregs into his own mouth, Lister was absolutely hammered.  Jason tossed the bottle away and began to lick up the drops of wine that had spilled down Lister’s body and ended up down on his knees in front of him. 

            He took hold of his hips and began to kiss and nuzzle at his stomach.  Lister suddenly tensed up as he realised what he was about to do, and this time he couldn’t run; if only because Rimmer was holding him in place.  Jason lightly ran his fingers over the scars on Lister’s side, then began to kiss and lick them.  Lister fought back a shudder.  Jason knew very well what he was doing to him and he was doing it to make a point.  _I got you in the end_.  But then, deciding his point had been made and by way of seeking forgiveness, he moved lower and began sucking deliciously on his cock. 

            Lister couldn’t believe that just a few moments ago they’d all been sitting around the table, talking and behaving in a civilised manner.  It just didn’t seem real.  But that could also have been because the whole room was swaying in front of his eyes.  He leaned back against Rimmer, who was rubbing his cock back and forth between his buttocks, and tried to regain some kind of sense of equilibrium; but the feel of Jason’s mouth on him was making it tricky to focus on anything else. 

            Jason released him before he could come and stood up and kissed him deeply; but before he could even start to miss the attention on his cock, Rimmer’s hand was there, stroking him rhythmically and then Jason’s hand joined it.  He moaned helplessly between them, feeling his climax building as they tormented him.  But they weren’t ready to give him his release yet.  Christ, this was torture but the best possible kind.  He was starting to doubt that he was going to live through a whole night of this. 

            The next thing he knew, they were all on the bed and he was licking his way down Jason’s rippled torso to close his mouth around him.  He’d spent months wondering how big Jason was, what he would taste like, and tonight he was carrying out a full investigation.  As he sucked on him, he felt Rimmer grasp his hips and rub a generous amount of softened butter into the crease of his ass, then enter him from behind, sliding right up inside him with one smooth thrust.  He hadn’t been expecting it and the shock made him murmur against Jason’s cock.  Jason gasped and grabbed the back of his head, forcing his cock further down Lister’s throat.

            He knelt on all fours between the two of them, stroking his own cock as they buried theirs in him and just the thought of what they were doing was enough to bring all of them to orgasm within a matter of minutes.  Lister had barely recovered before he was firmly turned around and Jason, still hard, rammed himself inside him.  He moaned and bucked against him.          

            Jason fucked the way he’d imagined he would, hard and fast; sending sparks flowing along nerve endings that were still sizzling from his last orgasm.  It was all Lister could do to stay up on his knees and not collapse down onto the bed.  He felt Rimmer’s hands gently cup his face and opened his eyes to look up at him.  Rimmer was kneeling before him so their faces were level, and smiling joyously; as though he were watching a miracle rather than another guy fucking his boyfriend.  He gazed deep into Lister’s eyes, drinking in every flicker and flash of pleasure that danced through them as Jason screwed him.  “I love you so much, Dave,” he whispered and kissed him tenderly.  Lister responded enthusiastically, putting every ounce of what he was feeling at that moment into the kiss, as if he could share all the incredible pleasure coursing through his body with Rimmer that way.  But Rimmer had had enough of kissing.  He firmly guided Lister’s mouth down to his cock.            

            It wasn’t quite the romantic gesture Lister had been hoping for, but the feel of Jason’s cock grinding insistently against his prostate, their balls rubbing together as he thrust, was enough of a distraction for him not to mind too much.  He went to work on trying to make Rimmer feel the way he was feeling.  Jason had quickened his pace and Lister could already feel the first glowing contractions of orgasm starting up around his abdomen.  His cock was pulsing like a live thing between his legs, but none of them were really in a position to tend to it.  With shock, Lister realised that it didn’t even matter anymore.  He was going to come right into the air as it was without anyone so much as touching his cock.

            When the three of them finally reached that peak one after the other, Lister was certain that had to be it.  He couldn’t believe that any of them would have anything left.  He collapsed down on top of Rimmer who pulled him into a kiss, eager to taste the mingled juices of all three of them.  Jason was dotting kisses over his back and shoulders, mounting him from behind so that he was sandwiched between them in a warm press of flesh.

            And then, Lister realised that Rimmer and Jason were both still rock hard; and between them they were manoeuvring him into a position that would suit them both.  His thighs were parted to straddle Rimmer’s hips and he felt the wet head of Rimmer’s cock press against his asshole.  He sighed in anticipation as he felt Jason rubbing more butter over them both in preparation, imaging Jason’s hand stroking Rimmer’s cock even though he couldn’t see it.  And then he gasped in shock as he felt Jason’s cock join Rimmer’s at his tight entrance and they both started to push.  There was no way...It just wasn’t possible for them to both...At the same time....

            But it was.  Lister gasped and writhed but he was well and truly trapped between them.  He’d been well lubricated and they were taking it slowly and gently but nothing could have prepared him for this.  It felt like he was being turned inside out.  “Guys,” he managed to gasp out, “I can’t!  I can’t take it!”

“Yes, you can,” Jason insisted breathlessly, “You’ll be just fine.  It only hurts just at the beginning, but once we’re all the way in and the initial shock has worn off it’ll feel just incredible, you’ll see...”

“Please! It feels like I’m going to tear in two!”

 “It’ll all be okay, Listy, just relax...” Rimmer urged in agreement, but by the sound of his voice he was more concerned with his own current feelings than Lister’s. 

            Inch by inch, in utter synchronisation, they eased themselves into him, soothing him when he moaned, and at last they were all the way in.  Lister had never felt anything like it.  It hurt; but it was a deep tremulous pain, like the lowest note plucked on a guitar string.  And surrounding the pain was a feeling of...not pleasure exactly but more of a euphoria.  He could feel them both, long and hot and pulsing exquisitely inside him and that was amazing, but the whole thing was spiced with the terror that at any moment pain could well make a re-appearance.  Still perfectly in time, they began to move in and out of him and he couldn’t take it anymore.  He began to writhe helplessly with sheer sensation, his cries like that of a dying man begging for oblivion and still they went on and on....

            And then...Lister experienced a moment of horrible surrealism; or maybe it was actually a moment of clarity, when he suddenly felt that his entire sense of self had been stripped away and it seemed that everything that was _him_ had ceased to matter in this equation.  He’d been reduced to just a thing; a means of fulfilment to the two men fucking him.  In their minds, he as a person no longer existed in this room.  Right now he was nothing to them but a vessel for their desire, a shell, and the feeling of sudden emptiness, of worthlessness, made him want to scream. And before long he _was_ screaming, his orgasm ripping through him like a furious storm, almost as though it were trying to assert by its power that he _was_ here, that he _mattered_.  But he may as well have screamed at the moon.  He knew now that this was not about him anymore, if it ever had been at all.  This was about them and nothing was going to change that.

            When it was over, and they lay tumbled in a wet sticky pile, Lister wriggled away from his two captors and crawled a little way up the bed, then collapsed and buried his face in the pillows, exhausted.  His whole body was still singing from orgasm and he couldn’t catch his breath.  After a moment he felt a gentle hand between his shoulder-blades, tenderly stroking his back, and he didn’t need lover’s intuition to know that it was Rimmer.  “Looks like he’s had enough,” he heard him say, sounding tired but happy...and more than a little smug.

“Guess so,” Jason panted.

            Rimmer lay down beside Lister; his fingers affectionately stroking the back of his neck, “You okay, babe?” Lister managed to nod but he couldn’t work up the energy to respond verbally.  He was utterly drained.  Rimmer wrapped his arms around him protectively – or maybe _possessively_ would be a more accurate way of putting it; and Lister, despite himself, snuggled closer to hide his face in his chest.  He didn’t trust himself to look at Jason.

            He heard the subtle rustling of the bedclothes as someone stood up and started getting dressed, and Jason saying awkwardly, “Maybe I should go.”

“Oh, well,” Rimmer replied, being cheerfully polite but not arguing; “It is getting late, I suppose.”

“Yeah, er...This was fun.” 

            Lister could feel the weirdness of the situation crackling in the air even with his eyes shut.  How the hell do you say goodnight after a dinner party where you’ve just spent a hefty chunk of the evening fucking?  What’s good etiquette for that?

            “I guess I’ll see you guys tomorrow,” Jason concluded after a pause.  It seemed the safest thing to say. 

“Sure, absolutely,” Rimmer agreed, “Goodnight then.”

“Goodnight.”

            Rimmer waited a few seconds until Jason was gone, then gave Lister a (somewhat triumphant) squeeze.  “You were wonderful tonight,” he whispered to him, “You really were.  I’m so proud of you.”

            Lister said nothing; and not only because he was tired.  Despite his body trying to remind him that what he’d just experienced had been pretty damn amazing, he didn’t feel amazing.  In fact he felt like he wanted to cry. 

            Rimmer kissed the top of his head, “I know you were nervous, Listy, but the look on your face as you were having that last orgasm was so incredible...It just made it all worth it.  I love you so much, you know.  So much...” 

            He kissed him again; and for a moment Lister actually came close to rolling away.  He didn’t want to be kissed right now.  He didn’t even really want to be touched.  But he held back and allowed Rimmer to continue cooing over him.  However he felt right now, Rimmer was obviously on cloud nine and he didn’t want to ruin that.  And besides, he was nearly asleep anyway.  Perhaps he would feel better in the morning.  Right now he was tired and still slightly woozy from drink and sheer exertion.  Once he’d recovered himself and had a good sleep he was sure to feel better about things.

             Surely.

 


	23. Chapter 23

           He woke up the next morning with a hangover; and a sick feeling in his stomach that had nothing to do with alcohol.  Beside him, Rimmer was still sleeping soundly.  Lister crept out of bed silently, not wanting to wake him, and went down to the river to find a secluded spot where he could clean himself off.                   

           As he stood knee-deep in the freezing water, washing away the evidence of the night’s festivities, he thought he’d never missed the hot showers on Starbug so much.  But then, he didn’t think he’d ever felt this dirty before.  As he thought about what he’d done last night, he was suddenly overcome with nausea.  He doubled over and threw-up into the water and the vomit was swiftly washed away in the current.  He sat down hard on the bank and breathed deeply for a few moments.  The feeling of wanting to cry was back, but he was damned if he was going to sit here howling on this riverbank stark-naked while his toes got frostbite.  Anyway, he didn’t have time.  He had to get to the farm.  Richard would get snippy if he was late and, quite frankly, he could do without being balled by anyone else this week.

 

            To his surprise, when he arrived at work, Richard was feeling compassionate.  “Are you okay?” he asked him, “You look like about ten different kinds of crap.”

“I’m fine,” Lister said weakly, “I’m just hung-over.”

“You don’t look hung-over,” Richard said doubtfully, “You look sick.  Are you sure you want to be here?  You can go back to bed if you want.”

            Lister was tempted for a moment to take him up on the offer, but the thought of lying at home staring at the ceiling and thinking about last night didn’t appeal.  He needed to be busy right now.  “I’m okay, Rich, really.  I just need some coffee or something.”

“Well, if you’re sure,” Richard said doubtfully, “I’ll tell you what; the hay barn needs seeing to and I’m sure Adam and Jase can manage without you in the fields today.  Why don’t you stay in there and do some stacking?  It’ll be nice and cool; and being out of the sun will help your headache.”

“Okay.  Thanks, man,” Lister smiled as best he could.

            There was something soothing about being in the barn.  It was simple.  Uncomplicated.  You secured the bale, you lifted, you swept.  It was all very straightforward and just what Lister needed.  After a few hours, he sat down on one of the bales with a weary sigh, to rest for a bit.  He wondered vaguely what Rimmer was doing.  Probably strutting round the forest thinking about last night and feeling like King of the Jungle. 

            So why didn’t he feel that way too?  After all, technically speaking, he’d got the best of it, right?  He was the one who’d been screwed damn near crazy by two incredible guys who both claimed to love him.  And it had been good.  Hell, it had been amazing!  So why did he feel so lousy about the whole thing? 

            Because he’d been used.  Maybe he’d asked for it, perhaps even deserved it – they had, after all been using Jason in order to fulfil _their _fantasy – but that didn’t make him feel any better.  By the end of the night the pair of them had just been too drunk and too horny to think about him and so they had simply ploughed ahead with their own desires – and he couldn’t say no because it was two against one.  Despite all of Rimmer’s romantic protestations, last night hadn’t been about Lister at all.  Rimmer had just wanted to watch him being done by another guy and he’d fed him all that crap so he’d go along with it.  He’d lied to him.  Betrayed him!

            No.  That wasn’t true.  He couldn’t blame Rimmer for all this.  Rimmer had given him plenty of chances to say no.  He’d gone along with it all quite willingly enough and he had nobody else to blame.

            He felt a strong pair of arms slide around his shoulders and for a moment he thought that Rimmer had come to find him.  Maybe he wasn’t feeling too great about what had happened either and had come to talk it out...

            “Hi,” Jason said gently, “I brought you some lunch.  Richard said you weren’t feeling well.”

“I’m okay,” Lister said, shrugging him off as tactfully as possible, “I’m just feeling a little hung-over, that’s all.”

“I’m not surprised,” Jason smiled at him secretively, “We all put away a fair bit last night.”

“Yeah,” Lister agreed flatly.

            Jason put down a plate in front of him, resting it on the hay bale.  “Here.  You’ll feel better once you’ve had something to eat.”  Lister’s stomach gurgled warily and he remembered the vomiting this morning; but that had been hours ago now and he probably should try and get something in his stomach.  Tentatively, he picked up the thick slice of bread and butter on his plate and took a bite.  It showed no signs of wanting to come back up once he swallowed it, so he took that as a good sign and finished the rest.

            When he was done, Jason moved the plate onto the floor and sat down beside him, “Is that any better?”

“Yes.  Thank you.”

“You look better.  But then...you always look good to me.”  Jason slid an arm around his waist and leaned forward to kiss him, but Lister turned his face away.  “What’s wrong?”

“Don’t, Jason.”

“You’re kidding, right?  Everything we did last night and you’re suddenly getting squeamish over a kiss?”

            “Jason...” Lister stood up and moved back a few paces, “Last night was...” _A horrible mistake._  “...It was fun.  But it doesn’t change anything between us.  I’m still with Rimmer.”

“I think last night changes a few things, Dave,” Jason said quietly.

“We have to pretend it doesn’t,” Lister replied, gently but firmly.  “I’m sorry, Jase, but I told you before.  You and me just can’t happen.”

“Yeah, you told me that,” Jason said angrily, getting to his feet, “And I understood you.  But that was before you and your boyfriend invited me to come over and play piggy in the middle with you as the pig!  I mean, forgive me if I’m getting mixed signals here, Dave!” 

“Jason...”

“I mean, Christ, what do you want from me?  To pretend that nothing happened?  To just act like everything’s normal?”

“Yes!  That’s exactly what I want!” Lister shouted back.

            Jason took a deep breath, “I don’t know if I can do that.”

“You have to.  We both do.”

“This isn’t fair, Dave.”

“I know,” Lister said, suddenly feeling exhausted and hopeless.  He sat down heavily on another hay bale and hid his face, “I know.”

            He heard Jason sigh, and then he was there, kneeling down in front of him and gently taking his wrists to move his hands away from his face.  “Look at me.”  Lister did look up, rather guiltily, and Jason looked at him hard.  “I love you, Dave.  Whether you believe it or not, whether you care or not, I love you.  And I think that earns me at least the right to an explanation for what’s going on here.”

“There’s nothing going on, Jason.  This was all just a mistake!  One big, horrid mistake!”

“I don’t buy that,” Jason tightened his grip on Lister’s wrists, “This wasn’t some spur of the moment drunken thing that you didn’t mean to happen; you guys planned last night.  It doesn’t take a genius to work that out.  So why?”

“It was what Rimmer wanted.”

“What you wanted, you mean!  You wanted me and this was the only way of getting round it, right?  By including your boyfriend!”

“I hate to break it to you,” Lister tried to pull away again but Jason was holding him too tightly, “But this was all Rimmer’s idea – not mine!”

“He asked you to whore yourself out to me just so he could get his rocks off?  Christ, Dave, he really must love you to treat you with such respect!” Jason spat.

            “You don’t know anything about our relationship!” Lister snapped back at him, “And I hardly think you’re in any position to be pointing fingers, man!  I didn’t hear you rushing to defend my honour last night!”

“Considering what happened last night, Dave, I don’t think there’s much of your honour left to defend.”

“So why are you still here?”

“Because I love you, dammit!” Jason yelled, “And I think that deep down you love me too!”

“Well, I’m sorry, Jason; but I don’t.  I don’t now and I never will!”

“I don’t believe you!” Jason glared at him, “No matter what you say, there’s a connection between us.  Last night when we were together...”

“It was sex, Jason!  That’s all!  It was good and it was fun but nothing more than that!”

“You’re lying.  I know you are!”  Jason gripped him more tightly.

“Jason, you’re hurting me!” Lister tried to pull away but Jason held fast,

“You must have known this was going to happen!  You can’t have honestly thought that we’d be able to carry on as normal after something like this!  So why did you do it, Dave?  Why?”

“_Let me go!_” 

            Lister wrenched away and bolted out of the barn.  He ran home and threw himself on the bed, crying.  How had this all gone wrong?  How had he ever thought that this would sort things out? Everything was more screwed up than ever!

            He hadn’t expected Jason to follow him, so when he stormed in after him, he actually jumped up in alarm.  “Just tell me one thing!” Jason shouted at him, striding over to him and standing way too close for comfort, “Did you ever admit to Rimmer what happened between us that night out on the plains?”

“What?” Lister was stunned, “No!  Of course I didn’t!”

“And do you really think he would have ever even _considered_ doing what we did last night if he had known?”

“I don’t know,” Lister said desperately, “Maybe...If he’d thought...”

“Bullshit!  If he knew the truth there’s no way he ever would have let me near you!  You can sit there and tell me that this was what Rimmer wanted until you’re blue in the face, but the reality is that this wasn’t what Rimmer would have wanted at all!  If he’d known the whole story he would never have gone along with it!  You tricked him!”

“That’s not true!” Lister yelled back, “I never wanted...by the time I found out...It was more _complicated_ than that!”

“Well, right now it all looks pretty simple to me!” Jason yelled, “You lied to him, you strung me along, and all so you could have the best of both worlds; a nice cosy relationship and a bit of fun on the side!”  Lister started to protest but Jason was still in full-flow; “Well, I think it’s time that your happy little ride got rocked a bit!”  He shoved Lister back hard across the bed; and for a horrible, scary moment Lister was convinced that Jason was going to rape him.

             “You’re going to tell the truth for once!” Jason shouted down at him, “You’re going to tell Rimmer everything – the whole story!  And let’s see if he still loves you then!”  Lister started to feel sick.  “And when he kicks you out of here you’d better be ready to swallow your pride and come crawling back to me, because – sweetie – I’m all you’ve got left!” 

            Jason turned to sweep out and collided with Rimmer on the way out of the door.  Rimmer looked round in utter bemusement at Jason’s furious expression, at Lister sobbing on the bed and asked the obvious question, “What the hell’s going on?”  Jason didn’t reply to him, but turned back to Lister before stomping out of the hut altogether; “Tell him the truth, Dave. Or, believe me, I will!”      


	24. Chapter 24

 

            “The truth about what?” Rimmer said blankly, hurrying over to comfort his weeping lover; “What’s he talking about?”  Lister hid his face in his arms and sobbed miserably, “I’m sorry, Rimmer,” he hiccuped, “I’m so, so sorry!  I never wanted this to happen!”

“_What_?  Lister, I want to know what’s going on!”

            And Lister had no choice but to tell him everything; even the parts he hadn’t really understood himself until now.  He told him how confused he’d been about his sexuality since they’d been together, and how meeting Jason – who was so openly gay and unashamed...and attractive...had confused him even more.  He told him about the warning he’d got from Adam after Jason had given him his necklace, that it was a gesture that hinted at something a little more than friendship; and how he’d chosen to ignore it.  He told him about the night Jason had tried to seduce him, and how he’d almost given in.  He told him how he’d tried to avoid Jason ever since, right up until Rimmer had had his bright idea of how they should celebrate their anniversary.  And over and over again he told him he was sorry, sorry, sorry....

            Rimmer sat silently beside him, staring down at his hands and not saying a word until Lister was finished.  And when he finally spoke, it wasn’t what Lister had expected.  He’d expected anger, shock, perhaps even tears.  But not the quiet, empty voice that said without looking up at him, “Lister...Perhaps you should go after him.”

            The words were like a bullet straight to Lister’s heart.  “What?” he sniffled, his voice shaking.

 “I think you should go after him before it’s too late,” Rimmer reiterated flatly, still staring steadfastly at the floor. 

“Are you throwing me out?” Lister asked in a small voice.

“No,” Rimmer said simply, “But I want you to be happy.  And if it’s Jason you want...then I won’t stand in your way.” 

            For a moment Lister was too stunned and astounded to reply, but when he could, he made his feelings clear.  “I don’t want Jason!” he said, “I _never_ wanted Jason!  I was confused and I was curious and for a moment maybe it seemed like he had the answers; but I never really wanted him!  I want _you!_  I _love_ you!”  He burst into fresh sobs.

            “Are you sure?” Rimmer looked at him sternly and Lister was startled by the gravity in his voice, “And don’t say yes just because you know it’s what I want to hear.  Think hard Lister, because there are only so many times a man can lose before he gives up altogether; and I have a feeling that if Jason loses this round he might not be very willing to keep playing this game with you.  Do you see what I’m saying?  I think you need to choose now or you won’t have a choice at all.”

            Lister stared at him for a moment, then moved back slightly and lifted up his shirt to expose the two scars on his side.  “Do you remember the day I got these?” he asked softly, tears still sliding his cheeks.  Rimmer said nothing.  He didn’t need to.  “You remember when you found me,” Lister continued, “I was almost gone.  And I knew that I was probably dying because I’d never been in so much pain before in all my life.  But I didn’t care.  Because you were with me.  And when I looked up into your face I could see all the words we’d never said to each other right there in your eyes and I knew you felt the same way I did.  And I could have died right then in peace knowing that you loved me...and that you knew I loved you.”

            He took Rimmer’s hand and pressed it over the scars, “You gave me the will to live that day.  And I think I would want to die now if I really thought you couldn’t tell just by looking into my eyes anymore just how much I love you.”  His tears dropped down onto their joined hands and he swallowed hard as he stared into Rimmer’s eyes.

            Rimmer stared back at him, hesitating, then pulled him into a tight hug; “Oh, stop crying!  You’re such a smegging drama queen!”  Lister clung to him with desperate relief, “Aren’t you angry with me?”

“Oh, I’m angry with you,” Rimmer said, fixing him with a look, “Make no mistake about that, miladdo.  You fooled around with someone behind my back and told me about a million lies, so don’t think you’re off the hook entirely.  We’ve got a _long_ way to go before you’re off the hook.  But...I may be a fool and a moron but I hate it when you cry.  I still love you way too much.”

“What are we going to do about Jason?” Lister sniffed.

“Don’t look at me,” Rimmer shrugged, “That’s your mess and you’re the one who’s going to have to clean it up.  He’ll get over it eventually; but if you two are going to be able to work together or even stay friends then you’re going to have to do some serious apologising, my lad.”  Lister nodded glumly

“I know.  I wouldn’t blame him if he never wanted to speak to me again.  And Adam and Rich are going to give me a royal bollocking if they ever find out about all this.”

“If it’s only Adam and Richard who find out then count yourself lucky.  After this afternoon’s display the whole village are going to be talking, you know.”  Lister winced, “It’s at times like these I really miss being stranded on Starbug.”

            “Well....” Rimmer said slowly, after a moments thought, “Perhaps...with things the way they are at the moment...a short trip away from Santa Ria might be a good thing.”  Lister looked up in surprise.  “Not for long,” Rimmer added, “Just a week or two. We could take Starbug and find a little planet somewhere, just the two of us, for a little bit of alone time.” 

“That would be wonderful,” Lister smiled hopefully, reaching over to squeeze Rimmer’s hand.

“And maybe when we come back the gossip will have died down and Jason will have cooled off enough for everyone to move on and forget about this mess.”

            Lister snuggled up to him, “And we can celebrate our anniversary _properly _without anyone else around.”

“Ah, yes.  That would definitely be a bonus,” Rimmer hugged him close, “I think we’ve shared each other quite enough.  From now on, I think, we’d better stop being so generous and keep each other to ourselves.”

“Gets my vote,” Lister agreed firmly.  “Let’s go and tell the others that we’re taking off for a bit and then load up the ‘Bug.  Maybe we can even get out of here in time to see the sunset on a beach somewhere....We could build a little shack right by the sea and catch fish to eat!”

“Lister,” Rimmer said, giving him an odd look, “We _are_ coming back.  This is only a holiday, you know.”

“I know,” Lister said innocently, then smiled; “But there’s nothing wrong with having a holiday home too.  You know...just in case...sometime in the future...”

            Rimmer shook his head with a smile and said nothing.  “Let’s go and pack.”

 

                                                                                                THE END

 

 

 

                                                                       

 


End file.
